Let the c*nts hunt
There are three certainties in life; death, taxes, and the unwavering guarantee that society’s top brass will always hold more sway in parliament than the everyday man. Yesterday across the country hundreds if not thousands of people embarked on the annual Boxing Day hunt emblazoned in scarlet coats and beige breeches, in spite of its illegality and despite the fact that public support has never been so low. A new poll has found that historic levels of Britons oppose fox...
2016 a bigger wanker than we first thought
2016 is officially a bigger wanker than we first expected after making another arsehole move on Christmas Day. The full calendar year, which has been known to compare itself to the likes of 1914 and 1939, took the life of another national icon on the 25th in a blatant two fingers to the rest of the country and in clear breach of festive protocol. It is still unclear whether this is the last dick head trick it has up its...
Geldoff on red alert after discovery of Amazonian tribe who might not know it’s Christmas
Bob Geldoff is set to cancel his Christmas plans to pen a new track in support of the recently discovered Amazonian tribe who, he fears, might not yet know anything about the birth of Christ. A photographer has recently captured images of an uncontacted tribe on the Brazil/Peru border. Close friends have confirmed Geldoff is growing increasingly concerned about the world of dread and fear that he assumes they live in. Graeme Piggott, a neighbour of Geldoff, confirmed he saw...
Is this the ultimate selfie?
Professional photographer Gareth Iwan Jones may have just taken the 'ultimate selfie'. The well known snapper posted this short clip to his social media account, which takes the boring old selfie to the next level. Instead of a still image, the photographer took stunning drone footage showing him and his wife laying on the deserted Cofete Beach on the Spanish island of Fuerteventura. The drone camera then pans out over a seemingly endless beach at the foot of the 800m high mountains of Jandia. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GNkdb6VZ0Y0 The...
Hotel review: DoubleTree, Tower of London
We take a girlie break at the DoubleTree by Hilton London – Tower of London. With Christmas in the air and a family feeling dominating, I decided it would be apt to whisk my older and lovelier sis away for a night for some quality girlie time. Our destination was all of 30 minutes away: the DoubleTree by Hilton London – Tower of London, which was perfect for our plan of a post-work evening out, followed by a reviving walk...
London to become ‘just about bearable’ for next seven days confirm indigenous population
The indigenous people of London are today celebrating as millions of economic migrants return back to their homeland for Christmas. The annual exodus of around 4 million people ensures public transport becomes ‘manageable’, shopping becomes ‘a little bit less hysterical’ and bars become ‘not wholly uncomfortable’. Simon Griffiths, a geezer, said “It's a wonderful time of year aint it. I was born under the sound of the Bow Bells and was runnin round the streets of the East End since...
Secret Chef – Something about Xmas makes clients even more demanding
Since its Christmas, here is a Christmas story. To protect the innocent, the guilty and myself, nothing I tell you will be quite true. My qualification for being your secret chef is spending two decades as a private chef for High Net Worth (HNW) and Ultra High Net Worth (UHNW) clients all over Europe and on super yachts. What I have become experienced at is keeping secrets. Here is what I remember about Christmas in Dublin for a Swiss family....
The world in 2016: Have we tried turning it off and on again?
Hate-fuelled, morbid and varnished with a disturbing veneer of instability, 2016 will forever be remembered as the year the world took leave of its senses. A reality show celebrity is now the most powerful man on earth, Britain has cut ties with its biggest trading partner and Mo Farah didn’t even make it into the top three spots for SPOTY despite achieving something no Brit has ever achieved before nor is likely to ever achieve again. Like the monotonous computer fix proffered up...
Final vote count shows Clinton beat Trump by almost 3m votes
The final vote count from the US election shows Hilary Clinton beat Donald Trump by a whopping 2,865,075 people in the popular vote, despite losing the election. Data released by CNN shows Hilary would have run away with the victory if the Electoral College system wasn't used, which was once called "a disaster for a democracy" by contender Trump. The FINAL Clinton-Trump popular vote totals: Clinton: 65,844,954 (48.2%) Trump: 62,979,879 (46.1%) Diff: 2,865,075https://t.co/r2vEh8BRWc — Robert Yoon (@robyoon) December 21, 2016 In a...