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"It is an outrage for Boris Johnson to leave British business in the lurch, with only a handful of days to plan for new trading arrangements."

“The most likely thing now is, of course, that we have to get ready for WTO terms, Australia terms,” the Prime Minister said.

"You know that toxic ex that broke up with you after 40 years of non-stop complaining about everything, and now they've been single for a few months they won't stop calling you?"

The Prime Minister visited Northumberland a year after taking traditional Labour seat.

“At the moment, I have to tell you in all candour that the treaty is not there yet and that is the strong view of our Cabinet as well,” Mr Johnson said.

Slouched in his chair, 'bedsit Boris' stares out of the cracked window, breath trails holding in the air, with the kids long gone back home.

The long-term damage caused by a no-deal situation has been predicted to be worse than the economic hit from coronavirus, but the PM says we should be in "good cheer" as he heads to Brussels.

Businesses are frustrated with the uncertainty around trading arrangements once the UK leaves the single market and customs union at the end of the year.

One can envision a huddle of management consultants on £2k a day arguing over which freezer is best, the Tory donor who will benefit the most from the choice of appliance, as the vaccine perishes in the corner.