Politics

The departing prime minister’s customary award of peerages is likely to provoke controversy, with even his dad mentioned.

It could just be the pilot drawing a phallic-shaped object for the benefit of FlightRadar viewers, Mikey Smith pointed out.

Speaking in Downing Street for the final time as Prime Minister, Mr Johnson said: ‘Like Cincinnatus, I am returning to my plough.’

"I suppose the tiny victory of Priti Patel resigning is like when you look down at your arm and realise your eczema has cleared up just before the extinction event meteor strikes the hill you’re standing on."

The monarch will carry out the key duty at her private Scottish retreat, rather than at Buckingham Palace, for the first time in her reign.

"Didn't get the job? We've got jobs for everyone."

She’s reportedly set to be handed a life peerage by Boris Johnson in his resignation honours list.

Ms Patel said it was her ‘choice’ to continue her public service from the backbenches when the new PM assumes office on Tuesday.

"This is a graphic illustration of the lack of talent in the Tory Party and hence why a General Election is the best option for the UK."