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Boris Johnson blaming the EU for the failure of his vacuous Brexit “strategy” is like learning bears defecate in woodland.

While the prime minister, in a televised statement, stopped short of walking away from talks entirely, he said the country would have to prepare for a trading relationship with EU “more like Australia’s”.

Johnson might have broke down the red wall but the wrecking ball has rebounded right into his face.

“I believe that there are better alternatives to the Government’s approach, so I therefore tender my resignation.”

Boris Johnson has said he wants the outlines of a deal to be in place by 15 October - but EU officials have claimed they will not be pressured.

The controversial Great Barrington Declaration, signed by more than 7,000 scientists and medics worldwide, urges a new strategy which would allow younger people to live their lives as normal and offer “focused protection” to the elderly and people with underlying health conditions.

Next we'll hear Rishi Sunak is economic modelling on a Commodore 64. Or perhaps Liz Truss has gone full Luddite and decided to build her tax evaders ‘free port’ wet dream moulded out of mouldy Stilton.

Surely it should have been "What have you done to me to make me feel proud?"

The PM was also reminded that just 7 years ago he said: "Labour put in a load of wind farms that failed to pull the skin off a rice pudding. We now have the opportunity to get shale gas - let's look at it."