A staggering 16.1 million people have today visited their GP reporting strange and unusual symptoms similar to re-experiencing a traumatic event, the NHS has revealed.
Dr Paul Sagar, a GP at a surgery in Clapton, Hackney told the London Economic “It’s chaos. I’ve had literally hundreds come to see me this morning. They’re all sitting in my waiting room necking their flat whites listening to radio 4, sweating relentlessly.”
“No one can give me any information but their symptoms seem to deteriorate rapidly whenever they look at a television or listen to the radio.”
Up and down the country doctors are reporting similar trends with large numbers of men and women in their late 20s and early 30s being struck down by this sudden epidemic.
“Whatever this outbreak is it seems to be affecting young people the most. And specific young people at that. All of my patients are well dressed, fit, middle class and have this particular smug look about them. One guy with a massive beard and a Pocahontas tattoo on his forearm had it particularly bad. He had to be sedated after he kept screaming ‘it’s going to happen again, it’s going to happen again’. If I didn’t know any better I would say that this virus, whatever it is, is targeting the particularly self-righteous.” Added Dr Sagar.
The NHS has revealed that there are areas of the country that appear to be immune from this outbreak. Barnsley. Wakefield, Doncaster and Sunderland have no reported outbreaks, whereas employers in Brighton, London and areas of Cambridgshire are reporting huge levels of absenteeism.
The NHS has also confirmed there has also been no reported infections amongst the elderly.
Doctors are hoping it’s simply a 24 hour virus with all evidence indicating that symptoms should clear by the early hours of tomorrow morning.