The Communist Party of China says David Cameron will receive a red carpet welcome across “most parts” of the country as they heralded a “new era” for UK-China relations.
The ex-PM was shuffled into the foreign secretary job by means Xi Jinping admitted would make him “blush”, but regardless, the Chinese premier said he was spirited to have someone on their payroll take up the job.
Before receiving the call from Rishi, who deemed the other 350 members of his staff too useless to take up the position, Cameron was busy drumming up appetite among investors for a port city project in Colombo that is part of China’s Belt and Road initiative.
Although it remains unclear whether he will be among the team of bailiffs sent knocking at the gates of the Sri Lankan government when they can’t finance their debt, it does look likely that Cameron will be one of the first British diplomats to receive an open-arms welcome since Liz Truss opened up new pork markets in 2014.
“David will get the full red carpet treatment in almost all parts of the country”, a spokesperson for the Chinese Communist Party said.
Pressed about which parts remain off limits, he responded that pork markets would be one of the no-go areas, saying it would be “for obvious reasons”.
“Not all Etonian customs can be imported for this trip”, the spokesperson said, pushing his tongue into his cheek and making sliding motions with his hand.