• Privacy policy
  • T&C’s
  • About Us
    • FAQ
    • Meet the Team
  • Contact us
TLE ONLINE SHOP!
  • TLE
  • News
  • Politics
  • Business
  • Sport
  • Opinion
  • Elevenses
  • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • Film
    • Lifestyle
      • Horoscopes
    • Lottery Results
      • Lotto
      • Thunderball
      • Set For Life
      • EuroMillions
  • Food
    • All Food
    • Recipes
  • Property
  • Travel
  • Tech/Auto
  • JOBS
No Result
View All Result
The London Economic
SUPPORT THE LONDON ECONOMIC
NEWSLETTER
  • TLE
  • News
  • Politics
  • Business
  • Sport
  • Opinion
  • Elevenses
  • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • Film
    • Lifestyle
      • Horoscopes
    • Lottery Results
      • Lotto
      • Thunderball
      • Set For Life
      • EuroMillions
  • Food
    • All Food
    • Recipes
  • Property
  • Travel
  • Tech/Auto
  • JOBS
No Result
View All Result
The London Economic
No Result
View All Result
Home Politics

Where is Boris Johnson?

By Mark Thomas

Guest Contributor by Guest Contributor
2020-05-21 15:30
in Politics
FacebookTwitterLinkedinEmailWhatsapp

There is a saying amongst comedians that speaks of their neediness, that if you open a fridge door, the light goes on and they will do 5 minutes. I opened the fridge door tonight and caught a glimpse of Boris Johnson scuttling from the crisper. Having noticed his absence on the media I’d suspected he might be lurking by our appliances and had put down traps, namely a mixture of homework and condoms which I thought would scare him off. “The name alone should make him think twice” I had said the night before as I shut the Bosch door.

Boris Johnson is sometimes here but more often not, fading in and out of public life like a Polaroid photo, you have to really shake him to get him to appear. Nicola Strugeon has done over 50 public briefings. Even Elizabeth Windsor has done two public addresses to the nation, doubling her work load. For as we know a monarchy is just for Christmas not for life.

Johnson turns up once a week for PMQ’s, gets slapped about a bit by Starmer, tells some lies and scarpers, leaving some chinless junior to mop up the mind mess left on the floor of the House.

Theories

Leaving us to wonder where he is? You will be delighted to know I have theories. Here they are.

Boris Johnson is not around because….

…he is having technology lessons.

…he is on holiday in a luxury villa paid for by someone who will later deny paying for it.

RelatedPosts

Diane Abbot claims Johnson is ‘rumoured to be one who likes assaulting women’

The Daily Mail ‘has turned on Boris Johnson’

Sir Keir Starmer vows no freedom of movement under plan to ‘make Brexit work’

Conservatives suffer hat-trick of council by-election defeats

…he is Bigfoot. An Ayrian Bigfoot.

…he has stepped aside to to give his father a glimpse of the limelight.

…he has slipped into a different time continuum and is currently battling the Black Death in the 14th century, reassuring peasants by shouting, “I’m still kissing rats, don’t worry!” and “I am being lead by the alchemy.” He then catches the plague, gets better, tells people not to kiss rats but fleas are ok, thanks the witches that saved him before deporting them to the ducking stool.

90 per cent of leadership is….

The thing about leadership is that 90 per cent of it is turning up, a bit like fatherhood, so with hindsight we should have known what we were in for.

Absence does not a leader make with the obvious exception of Trump. There are zero, I shall repeat this, ZERO modern democracies governed by ghosts, voids, vortexes or ouija boards. A government needs to actually turn up, you have to be there, make decisions and live by the consequences.

If the prime minister is not here it begs the question where does the buck stop? Apparently with no one in cabinet. No one has done anything wrong. Everything has been the right decision at the right time. Everyone has had a protective ring thrown around them. Everything we do is ‘world class’ or ‘world beating’ or ‘an international exemplar in preparedness’ when actually all we want is competency, tests that work, PPE that isn’t out of date, a graph at the daily briefing that looks as if it has just a bit more science in it than a L’Oreal advert.

What do we want at this point? Well I would like international socialism, world peace and calorie free chocolate. And proper calorie free chocolate not the normal calorie free chocolate which is lettuce… But like most of us what I really want is competence. I want honesty, transparency and competence.

I doubt we shall get it but I am opening the Bosch door armed with a stick and if I see a blonde mop cowering behind the red cabbage I shall give him a good shove.

Related: Is it time UK citizens adopted the Hong Kong approach?

Related: PMQs – Johnson feigns ignorance as he lumps Starmer in with “experts”

Tags: headline

Since you are here

Since you are here, we wanted to ask for your help.

Journalism in Britain is under threat. The government is becoming increasingly authoritarian and our media is run by a handful of billionaires, most of whom reside overseas and all of them have strong political allegiances and financial motivations.

Our mission is to hold the powerful to account. It is vital that free media is allowed to exist to expose hypocrisy, corruption, wrongdoing and abuse of power. But we can't do it without you.

If you can afford to contribute a small donation to the site it will help us to continue our work in the best interests of the public. We only ask you to donate what you can afford, with an option to cancel your subscription at any point.

To donate or subscribe to The London Economic, click here.

The TLE shop is also now open, with all profits going to supporting our work.

The shop can be found here.

You can also SUBSCRIBE TO OUR NEWSLETTER .

Subscribe to our Newsletter

View our  Privacy Policy and Terms & Conditions

Trending on TLE

  • All
  • trending
Abdollah

‘Rescue us’: Afghan teacher begs UK to help him escape Taliban

CHOMSKY: “If Corbyn had been elected, Britain would be pursuing a much more sane course”

What If We Got Rid Of Prisons?

More from TLE

Quorn products officially registered as vegan

Can a kooky office design benefit your staff?

The Tories are renationalising chunks of the railways. Sound familiar?

The UK’s First “Rage Cage” Opened

Fentanyl the prescription painkiller that killed Prince now causes more deaths from overdose than any other drug

Beer of the Week – Hop Stuff Four Hour Session IPA

Brexit: UK misses deadline for replying to EU legal notice on controversial Bill

Coroner hears cause of death of schoolgirl who died on flight after Heathrow Pret A Manger visit

‘More red tape’: Hauliers prepare for Brexit border in Kent

Police left a “sorry we missed you” note after discovering cannabis plantation

JOBS

FIND MORE JOBS

About Us

TheLondonEconomic.com – Open, accessible and accountable news, sport, culture and lifestyle.

Read more

© 2019 thelondoneconomic.com - TLE, International House, 24 Holborn Viaduct, London EC1A 2BN. All Rights Reserved.




No Result
View All Result
  • Home
  • News
  • Politics
  • Business
  • Sport
  • Entertainment
  • Lifestyle
  • Food
  • Travel
  • JOBS
  • More…
    • Elevenses
    • Opinion
    • Property
    • Tech & Auto
  • About Us
    • Meet the Team
    • Privacy policy
  • Contact us

© 2019 thelondoneconomic.com - TLE, International House, 24 Holborn Viaduct, London EC1A 2BN. All Rights Reserved.