Did you know that culture secretary Nadine Dorries is an author? She has sold millions of books supposedly, although I’ve not had the pleasure of reading one myself.
She was signed up as an author in 2013 in a six-figure deal, shortly before she was forced to apologise to MPs for failing to declare her fee for appearing on ITV’s I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here.
Head of Zeus, Dorries’ publisher, says it has sold 2.5 million of her books, of which 1.8 million have been ebooks.
Her editor, Rosie de Courcy calls her “a completely natural, self-taught writer, with an imagination positively teeming with characters and storylines.”
According to defence secretary Ben Wallace Dorries is qualified to be culture secretary because she is a bestselling author.
“What’s great about Nadine Dorries is she produces culture that people buy and actually want to see, rather than some of the more crackpot schemes we’ve seen being funded in the past by taxpayers’ money.”
Well, with that in mind comedian Sooz Kempner filmed a parody of Dorries with a (fake) erotic novel of her own, titled His Front Bench Woman.
Here is a small sample of this bit of his comedy genius: “I’d like to tell the right honourable gentleman that I would never kick a dog, unlike you, Captain Dog S***e’, hit back the prime minister, leaving former QC Lord Calmer totally flustered and dropping his notes like a d***.
“Naomi felt a quiver in a cervical region at this victory.”