• Privacy policy
  • T&C’s
  • About Us
    • FAQ
    • Meet the Team
  • Contact us
  • Guest Content
TLE ONLINE SHOP!
  • TLE
  • News
  • Politics
  • Opinion
    • Elevenses
  • Business
  • Food
  • Travel
  • Property
  • JOBS
  • All
    • All Entertainment
    • Film
    • Sport
    • Tech/Auto
    • Lifestyle
      • Horoscopes
    • Lottery Results
      • Lotto
      • Thunderball
      • Set For Life
      • EuroMillions
No Result
View All Result
The London Economic
SUPPORT THE LONDON ECONOMIC
NEWSLETTER
  • TLE
  • News
  • Politics
  • Opinion
    • Elevenses
  • Business
  • Food
  • Travel
  • Property
  • JOBS
  • All
    • All Entertainment
    • Film
    • Sport
    • Tech/Auto
    • Lifestyle
      • Horoscopes
    • Lottery Results
      • Lotto
      • Thunderball
      • Set For Life
      • EuroMillions
No Result
View All Result
The London Economic
No Result
View All Result
Home Entertainment

Collateral Damage – A tale for Tony Blair

It’s a little hard to explain …. but we’ll get there in the end. Time’s what we’ve got plenty of you see. Those noises from next door? Just to wet the whistle, in a manner of speaking. Gets the old adrenalin flowing. It’s Masher. We call him that but he’s getting pretensions, wants to style […]

Guest Contributor by Guest Contributor
2016-08-01 11:20
in Entertainment, Literature
FacebookTwitterLinkedinEmailWhatsapp

It’s a little hard to explain …. but we’ll get there in the end. Time’s what we’ve got plenty of you see.

Those noises from next door? Just to wet the whistle, in a manner of speaking. Gets the old adrenalin flowing. It’s Masher. We call him that but he’s getting pretensions, wants to style himself Olaf the Great. Not that he’s Scandinavian or anything – in fact he comes from Wales – but Welsh is torture to pronounce –if you’ll excuse my little joke. He likes the sledgehammer. Do you know your old Norse? No, I suppose not. It means slay hammer. You can guess why – great big ugly lump of iron on a big handle. Masher’s got muscles like a gorilla. He can really swing it. But he’s none too accurate. The boys in Re-Gen keep complaining.

Where were we. Oh yes. Explaining it all. Look, this is the best way – although it’s not strictly accurate – but I guess you won’t be moaning, at least, not about this. There’s gonna be a lot more to moan about. Imagine you take the hard drive out of your computer and put it into a brand new machine. It’ll work just the same – same old games and routines and responses and programmes and all that. That’s what we do. Only not to your hard drive. And you get all the same old responses and whatnot. It’s a great idea. So it’s like, you’re kind of dead, but not really. I mean, it’s somebody else’s body, but you get the feelings.

But surely there’s a flaw in the plan you’re thinking, I mean, bodies can get messed up. Well that’s the whole point. Then we fix them. The boys down in Re-Gen – they’re wizards. All the bits, good as new. Takes time – and there ain’t no anaesthetics – but that all adds to the fun.

Cruel? No – imaginative. Take Mr Wong. He’s not Chinese, I know that’s a bit non-PC – but nobody’s PC around here. He was thinking about that dripping water thing. Felt it was a bit slow – very impatient our Mr Wong. So he’s moved on to high pressure hoses. Steam if you must know. Then there’s Driller. You can guess. Got an award a while back. So many holes – quite the work of art – and all gushing at once. I don’t know how he does it. You noticed Cross Cut as we came in – fella with the big saw. A bit rusty, but does the job tickety-boo. Cross cut is really the name of the saw – but not in this case. It’s where he cuts. Across. He’s bad tempered as well. And Dr Amp. What an artist – I’ve seen him go up to 6000 volts and they still don’t disintegrate. Must ask him one day what the secret is. They’re happy to share these guys. No jealousy. Not like you’d expect. Decent sorts I say. True professionals. Dedicated.

We’ve got the lot: Mister Twister. Captain Gas Jet. They do think up these amazing names. Car Crash Harry : he likes the vintage ones – lots of metal, none of your plastic nonsense. Red Hot Poker – ugh – don’t ask. You’ll miss Joe the Toe – on his hols. But I’ll bet he’s just itching to get back. He loves toes. Other people’s. And he’s none too fussy about how he gets them. Slow Choker. Scraper Dave. Crusher and Grinder … I could go on.

Pain? You asked about pain. Well there’s this touching faith you lot up there have that the body is merciful and lets you black out if the going gets tough. Might be the case up there, but down here, different story. We discovered the trick : keeping you awake. Oh, it’s great when that dawns on them. Like the Catholics when they find out it’s all true, everything they ever believed in. Exactly. But then, whoops – suddenly it’s them in the hot seat. Hilarious!

Now, we’ve got for ever, but we better get on. Can’t keep the rest waiting. Wouldn’t be fair would it? Where would you like us to start, Mr Blair?

By Dr Nigel Mellor for his website click here

RelatedPosts

A Place In The Sun’s Jonnie Irwin admitted to hospital as he battles terminal cancer

Female-led reboot of The Office is in the works

Succession finale: Shiv Roy’s change of heart explained

Royal Blood storm off Radio One’s Big Weekend stage after crowd give them diddly

Content Protection by DMCA.com

Subscribe to our Newsletter

View our  Privacy Policy and Terms & Conditions

Trending on TLE

  • All
  • trending

Elevenses: The Thing About Wrexham’s Cinderella Story

Elevenses: Exposing the Tories’ Deepfake Illegal Immigration Bill

Elevenses: Rishi’s Finest Hour

More from TLE

Katie Hopkins joins ‘Don’t Pay’ protests ahead of soaring energy bills

Conservative Peer receives “vile” Islamophobic mail after demanding Tories remove whip from Boris Johnson

Cannes 2019 Review: The Invisible Life of Euridice Gusmao

Elevenses: Carney for Prime Minister

Camel car horror pictures

Employing serving MPs as presenters is ‘very concerning’ – Labour

Plans for legal aid fees for criminal lawyers ‘woefully inadequate’

Video: Top Gear Sad Song

Film Review: Marlina the Murderer in Four Acts

Vaccine chief Kate Bingham still manages investments for drug firms

About Us

TheLondonEconomic.com – Open, accessible and accountable news, sport, culture and lifestyle.

Read more

Contact

Editorial enquiries, please contact: [email protected]

Commercial enquiries, please contact: [email protected]

Address

The London Economic Newspaper Limited t/a TLE
Company number 09221879
International House,
24 Holborn Viaduct,
London EC1A 2BN,
United Kingdom

SUPPORT

We do not charge or put articles behind a paywall. If you can, please show your appreciation for our free content by donating whatever you think is fair to help keep TLE growing and support real, independent, investigative journalism.

DONATE & SUPPORT

© 2019 thelondoneconomic.com - TLE, International House, 24 Holborn Viaduct, London EC1A 2BN. All Rights Reserved.




No Result
View All Result
  • Home
  • News
  • Politics
  • Business
  • Sport
  • Entertainment
  • Lifestyle
  • Food
  • Travel
  • JOBS
  • More…
    • Elevenses
    • Opinion
    • Property
    • Tech & Auto
  • About Us
    • Meet the Team
    • Privacy policy
  • Contact us

© 2019 thelondoneconomic.com - TLE, International House, 24 Holborn Viaduct, London EC1A 2BN. All Rights Reserved.