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Home Satire

17-year-old solider wondering why Jeremy Hunt has banned him from sexting

John Powers, 17, a soldier from Barnsley, is annoyed that the government have decided that he is capable of killing for his country, but is now banned from share sexy texts and images with his girlfriend, who lives 200 miles away from the army barracks, until he is 18. John said: “This morning we were […]

Satire by Satire
2016-11-30 09:30
in Satire
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John Powers, 17, a soldier from Barnsley, is annoyed that the government have decided that he is capable of killing for his country, but is now banned from share sexy texts and images with his girlfriend, who lives 200 miles away from the army barracks, until he is 18.

John said: “This morning we were out on the range, I fired a rocket capable of piercing a tank and killing anyone unlucky enough to be inside, threw live grenades into a ravine, and was taught how to slit the throat of an enemy in hand-to-hand combat.

“After a day like that I just want to text the missus and say: ‘can’t wait to bang you when I get some leave next month.’ But the texts now bounce back with a message saying: ‘Jeremy Hunt does not think you should be sending this image until you are 18-years-old and in a Christian marriage.’ I bet he looks at every text and picture and answers each one personally, the dirty bastard.

“I’ve have been trained to kill since I was 16, and will be seeing active service on my 18th birthday. Hopefully I get to see one last peek of my girlfriend’s breasts before I get blown up by an IED.

“I have been reduced to texting: ‘I can’t wait to see your Jeremy Hunt when I see you next.’ I know it’s vile, but using his name is the only way around it.”

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