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Home Satire

Kris Kringle refused entry at UK border under hostile environment policy

Millions of British children are set to endure a present-less Christmas after Kris Kringle was refused entry at the UK border under Theresa May’s hostile environment policy. Arrivals from Lapland face increased scrutiny as the UK cracks down on freedom of movement from countries within the Schengen agreement. It is understood that Kringle’s sleigh was […]

Jack Peat by Jack Peat
2018-12-06 13:51
in Satire
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Millions of British children are set to endure a present-less Christmas after Kris Kringle was refused entry at the UK border under Theresa May’s hostile environment policy.

Arrivals from Lapland face increased scrutiny as the UK cracks down on freedom of movement from countries within the Schengen agreement.

It is understood that Kringle’s sleigh was stopped after crossing the North Sea and that customs checks on 20 million presents made his onward journey impossible.

Processing times would mean most gifts would arrive just before the 21st birthday of the average 9 year-old, rendering the festive trip worthless.

A UK border force spokesperson said: “We can confirm we stopped a Finnish national transporting goods into the UK tonight.

“We seized 20 million sparkly packages which will be withheld or returned until they have been processed individually.

“A herd of caribou-like animals have also been detained along with a selection of dairy produce and baked goods”.

Kringle wasn’t available for comment but was overseen scribbling members of the cabinet on a piece of parchment entitled “naughty list”.

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