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Home Satire

Joleon Lescott’s Pocket wins Mensa Prize

Aston Villa footballer Joleon Lescott’s jean-pocket has been nominated for the prestigious Mensa Select award after creating a mind-twisting puzzle whilst in the dirty laundry bin. Mensa Select is an annual award given by American Mensa since 1990 to five board games that are “original, challenging and well designed.” Mensa is the oldest high IQ society in the world, for those […]

Ollie McAninch by Ollie McAninch
2016-02-16 08:00
in Satire
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Aston Villa footballer Joleon Lescott’s jean-pocket has been nominated for the prestigious Mensa Select award after creating a mind-twisting puzzle whilst in the dirty laundry bin.

Mensa Select is an annual award given by American Mensa since 1990 to five board games that are “original, challenging and well designed.” Mensa is the oldest high IQ society in the world, for those who score at the 98th percentile or higher on a supervised IQ test.

Joleon said “My pocket, or Gary as he likes to be called, is amazing.”

“He’s always up to stuff like that. Last week Gary created a Japanese Haiku poem whilst I was in the VIP area of a club. I had no idea he was doing it. He just did it and then use my phone to tweet it to my Twitter account.”

“I thought it was just gobbledygook, but when someone told me what it was I quickly deleted it. I didn’t want the lads to think I was… you know, doing poems and stuff.”

A Japanese Haiku poem is typified by having three phrases of 5, 7, and 5 syllables. Before it was quickly deleted, Gary the pocket’s Haiku read:

Millionaire dance;

In luxury pants;

It’s snowing on Mount Fuji.

Joleon added “It’s quite handy having Gary around, always playing tricks and doing unimaginably smart stuff, because I can blame him for other stuff too. Last week we got stuffed by Liverpool and when I put a picture on my Twitter of a luxury sports car an hour after we lost, people were pretty mad. I’m not sure why, but I just blamed it on Gary.”

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“Because Gary, my jean pocket, is so clever, people actually believe that he tweeted a picture whilst I was driving. Mugs.”

 

 

Image by Football.ua, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=19879126. CC BY-SA 3.0

 

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