I am in nodding acquaintance with a man on my street who is master of the one line non consequential conversation, “Hot enough for yer!” Or “Weather for ducks.” Yesterday’s encounter took a slightly different tone when he cheerily proclaimed with a tip and a wink, “What a week for c*nts aye?”
And he’s right.
Let’s start with Boris Johnson lying again in Parliament, hardly news now and more of a ritual. We won’t mention his lies at all soon, in the way no one mentions the Archbishop of Canterbury doing the Lord’s Prayer. The BBC could probably get away with just scrolling an aston under Johnson every time he speaks, reading “This is a work of fiction and any resemblance to the actual truth is purely coincidental.”
Meanwhile in the Lords the Tories revealed they had spent £11.8m on a tracing app that doesn’t work. It’s confusing as there have been a few different apps, all of them “world beating” too. They use the phrase so often I sometimes wonder if “world beating” is perhaps a trigger word for sleeper agents and at this very moment Tory Bowls Club Chairman all over the country are making acid to drop in the water supply. Anyway, this is the world beating app that doesn’t work and cost £11.8m. Add that to the £16m worth of tests they bought that don’t work and we are within striking distance of Grayling.
Johnson and his rage tangle band of incompetents, half wits, rule breaking elitists and plutocratic cock twisters are as you might have already guessed useless in my opinion. We have no economy to speak of but the sun is out. Coronavirus is mounting the surf board for the second wave but hey you can go to the pub. I have said it before and I will say it again the only war he can win is the culture war. Enter the The Daily Telegraph: which is essentially porn for elderly statue defenders, a military obsessed paper for racist uncles who didn’t serve in the war but behave as if they did. Writing in said paper was one Mr Tebbit.
Mr Tebbit was one of Margaret Thatchers favourite Igors and castigator in chief of the undeserving poor. And the deserving poor too. In fact Mr Tebbit would castigate any one who didn’t muster up to his lower middle class faux virtues. Mr Tebbit this week charged into the culture war on the matter of the Black Lives Matter protests and our nations public works of art. Churchill , declared Mr Tebbit, was fighting “the curse of Hitler’s far left.” You read that correctly. It is no typo, the Nazis are on the left. Cos you know that Hitler was such a leftie! It probably explains why the Queen Mother recommended Mein Kampf to friends and Nigel Farage used to sing his songs. Those wacky lefties. You remember the legendarily leftwing Nazis, who invaded Poland only after getting approval from the Shop Stewards Committee.
You might also remember it’s the Daily Telegraph that is leading the “don’t let our history be erased” campaign. You know the campaign, the one where people are culturally and emotionally attached to people they didn’t know existed until young people point out the links to slavery, at which point they develop a sudden fondness for ‘our history’. Oh irony abounds in Mr Tebbit’s Hitler denialism because he is one of those Tories for whom everything bad in the world is the result of the left and the lower orders. The Titanic? Probably sunk because the surly dining room staff laid out the cutlery with an air of sarcasm The 2008 crash? Caused by a student putting up a picture of Lenin in a buy to let flat.
However, credit where it is due, Mr Tebbit seems to have put himself to the right of Hitler which is a really really difficult thing to do. Mussolini didn’t manage that and he was in the same gang. So, you know, to mentally place yourself to the right of a genocidal racist is an achievement of sorts. Mr Tebbit goes on to say that he carried a gas mask in WWII “lest I was unable to breathe during a gas attack.” For my money this looks like bait thrown at the Back Lives Matter movement. Except let us remember that as a Tory grandee he is more likely to cry “I can’t breathe” as a result of an autoerotic incident rather than a police officer kneeling on his neck.
Later on some daft EDL twollop in Burnley paid for a White Lives Matter air banner to take to the skies presumably in defiance of the left wing Luftwaffe and in doing so without consequence disproved his point.
It is indeed a week of them. Another week for c*nts.