• Privacy policy
  • T&C’s
  • FAQ
  • Meet the Team
  • About The London Economic
  • Advertise
TLE ONLINE SHOP!
NEWSLETTER
SUPPORT THE LONDON ECONOMIC
  • TLE
  • News
  • Politics
  • Opinion
  • Business
  • Sport
  • Entertainment
  • Film
  • Food
  • Lifestyle
  • Property
  • Travel
  • Tech/Auto
No Result
View All Result
The London Economic
  • TLE
  • News
  • Politics
  • Opinion
  • Business
  • Sport
  • Entertainment
  • Film
  • Food
  • Lifestyle
  • Property
  • Travel
  • Tech/Auto
No Result
View All Result
The London Economic
No Result
View All Result
Home Opinion

An ode to Grayling: The poster boy of political ineptitude

When a leader of a government packs their appointees in key roles, people who have nothing to offer but zealotry and loyalty, it is a sign of weakness.

Mark Thomas by Mark Thomas
July 10, 2020
in Opinion

The Hadron Collider, a particle accelerator, is the zenith of scientific achievement. Its tubes and coils are the physical embodiment of our endless curiosity and overwhelming drive for knowledge. A temple to human consciousness reaching out beyond its gravity bound confines to the heavens. Around its 27km long tunnels particles are fired with precision force, tiny invisible sub specks of matter held in place by thousands of magnets with the sole objective of crashing into another speeding speck. For within the debris and in the middle of this minute wreckage lies the essence of matter and life itself. Chris Grayling had a dump in it. Yup, Chris Grayling had a man-in-an-alley-shit in the Hadron Collider. Left it in the middle of the steel and concrete tube with a couple of wet wipes. Our elected representative laid one out in the middle of the worlds most prestigious scientific experiment. I know many of you will say this is not true but I argue that if Chris Grayling has not done this it is only because he has never visited the Hadron Collider.

Chris Grayling, a DNA monument to stupidity, is thrust back into our consciousness with his nomination to chair the Intelligence Committee. Here is a man whose name can only be spoken in a shout of disbelief. In written form his name is pronounced “GRAYLING?!?!?!?” Newspapers and reporters refer to him as ‘accident prone’, hah, you might as well call the Hatton Garden thieves ‘clumsy’ or the Concorde crash a ‘prang’. He is not accident prone he is consciously inept.

The Grayling Scale

He is not merely incompetent he is the measure for incompetence. The Grayling Scale is the official measure for political moronic bumbling inefficiency. Johnson catching Covid 19 had a magnitude of 4 on the Grayling Scale. Hancock and PPE, a 6.

Grayling is the man who tried to ban books in prison, wasted millions on changes to the justice system, and on ferry contracts with a company with no ferries and oversaw the further ruination of the railways. All his decisions at some point are eventually reversed, which is perhaps why he looks so haunted by his own presence, forever living in the shadow of future failure. He constantly has the demeanour of a man leaving his bail hearing. Everything he touches turns to debt. It was calculated that when he was a minister it would be cheaper were he to stay at home and do nothing than turn up for work.

The nation’s safety

Chris Grayling, promoted beyond his ability and so ideologically driven that he has outsourced his own human abilities. His intelligence, logic, common sense  and political acumen is being currently delivered by Serco. At this very moment the Chris Grayling service is a bloke in a carpark, in a hi vis vest, so underpaid, badly trained and demoralised that he is barely capable of not touching the bar of an electric fire.

As Chair of the Intelligence Committee he will oversee the nation’s safety. Our safety relies on a man who looks like the only survivor of a cult suicide pact. But let us consider what Grayling might do with the Russia Report which he is now in charge of releasing or not.

I believe the following is within the range of possibilities:

RelatedPosts

Elevenses: Bluff, Bluster and Biden

What the parable of the 6.2cm journalist teaches us about NHS data

Elevenses: Thatcher’s ‘Personal Society’ Persists

Elevenses: Should Matt Hancock Resign?

1. He will publish the Russian Report but in Russian.

2. He will ban all books.

3. He will privatise the alphabet, G4S will promptly lose all the consonants. The report published by Her Majesty Stationary Office will be hundreds of pages of gaps and vowels. If the report is ever read out loud it will be a satirical attack on humans in whale song.

4. He will sack the rest of the committee and replace them with onion rings.

5. He will not ban all books, he will publish the Russia report but each copy will be soaked in Novichok.

Cast in Johnson’s own image

And yet…Grayling is no more inept than Johnson, who has constructed a cabinet in his own image, a cabinet of incompetence.

Examine the stunning display of inability on each and every Coronavirus Briefing.

Patel: Sacked for ministerial inappropriateness and thicker than a suet smoothie.

Grant Schnapps: A man that Jeffrey Archer laughs at.

Raab: Didn’t realise we were living on an island, now Foreign Minister.

Hancock: Never before has a human being been their own action figure.

The arts fella: Ironically the man representing the arts has the charisma and presence of a Safeway mini quiche.

And Rishi Sunak: Frankly there is a whiff of casual racism in the assumption that the Asian one in a suit and glasses is good at maths.

Underside of a scraped barrel

Line them up like that and you realise pretty quickly that on the underside of a scraped barrel is the Tory Cabinet.

Compared to this the nomination of Liam Fox for a job at the World Trade Organisation looks positively enlightened. Getting Fox out of the country and away from politics is the human equivalent of fly tipping.

When a leader of a government packs their appointees in key roles, people who have nothing to offer but zealotry and loyalty, it is a sign of weakness. A strong leader would look to experts and surround themselves with contradictory views. But not Johnson his weakness is the antithesis of public service, duty and probity. And so it is that with every second-rate appointment Johnson undermines good governance. The states ability to function in the best interests of its citizens and a citizens faith in the state. We, my darlings, are living in a Dumbocracy.

Related: Almost £5 billion of coronavirus bailouts handed out to firms based in tax havens

Since you are here

Since you are here, we wanted to ask for your help.

Journalism in Britain is under threat. The government is becoming increasingly authoritarian and our media is run by a handful of billionaires, most of whom reside overseas and all of them have strong political allegiances and financial motivations.

Our mission is to hold the powerful to account. It is vital that free media is allowed to exist to expose hypocrisy, corruption, wrongdoing and abuse of power. But we can't do it without you.

If you can afford to contribute a small donation to the site it will help us to continue our work in the best interests of the public. We only ask you to donate what you can afford, with an option to cancel your subscription at any point.

To donate or subscribe to The London Economic, click here.

The TLE shop is also now open, with all profits going to supporting our work.

The shop can be found here.

You can also SUBSCRIBE TO OUR NEWSLETTER .

Support fearless, free, investigative journalism Support fearless, free, investigative journalism Support fearless, free, investigative journalism

Subscribe to our Newsletter

View our  Privacy Policy and Terms & Conditions

Trending fromTLE

  • All
  • trending

What If We Got Rid Of Prisons?

Stress, fear and homelessness: The threat looming over families confronted with eviction

File photo dated 07/11/03 of a prison cell.

The Other Prison Pandemic

Latest from TLE

More Cronyism? PR firm with Tory links provides test and trace ‘reputation management’

‘All for nothing’: Starmer’s net rating plummets on the back of major speech

How To Make: Blueberry Baked Cheesecake

How To Make: Baked Blueberry Gin & Tonic Cheesecake

Nicolas Sarkozy handed prison sentence on corruption charges

About Us

TheLondonEconomic.com – Open, accessible and accountable news, sport, culture and lifestyle.

Read more

Address

The London Economic Newspaper Limited t/a TLE
Company number 09221879
International House,
24 Holborn Viaduct,
London EC1A 2BN,
United Kingdom

Contact

Editorial enquiries, please contact: jack@thelondoneconomic.com

Commercial enquiries, please contact: advertise@thelondoneconomic.com

SUPPORT

We do not charge or put articles behind a paywall. If you can, please show your appreciation for our free content by donating whatever you think is fair to help keep TLE growing and support real, independent, investigative journalism.

DONATE & SUPPORT

© 2019 thelondoneconomic.com - TLE, International House, 24 Holborn Viaduct, London EC1A 2BN. All Rights Reserved.




No Result
View All Result
  • Home
  • News
  • Politics
  • Opinion
  • Business
  • Sport
  • Entertainment
  • Film
  • Lifestyle
  • Food
  • Property
  • Travel
  • Tech & Auto
  • About The London Economic
  • Meet the Team
  • Privacy policy

© 2019 thelondoneconomic.com - TLE, International House, 24 Holborn Viaduct, London EC1A 2BN. All Rights Reserved.