A young Conservative has produced a guide on how to be a Tory at university – and not annoy people.
Christian Calgie says it is possible to have an easy life as a right-wing graduate by following his simple rules on what not to say, do or wear.
He says it is a case of sticking to guidelines such as respect equal rights, don’t try to be a comedian, ‘wear normal clothes’. learn to take a joke and ‘get with the times’.
The Tory says don’t talk too much politics particularity Brexit – and ”spot when people …want to talk about the latest episode of I’m a Celeb”.
Christian, editor of student news site Hull Tab, has titled his guide: ‘It’s actually really easy to be a Tory at uni: Just don’t be a tw*t’.
His advise appeared on the website last week and hit out at the behaviour of some Young Conservatives.
He also warned of stupid pranks in the wake of a notorious stunt pulled by a Cambridge University Tory which saw a £20 note burnt in front of a homeless man.
Mr Calgie, 21, from north Yorkshire, writes:: “Almost every day I see Tories whining about how difficult it is for them at university.
”Ranging from “limits on my free speech” to “lefty protestors interrupting our port and policy evening”, the stories of Conservative oppression at uni really do put Sisyphus’ troubles into perspective.
“Some young Tories have even claimed “it’s easier to be gay than a Tory at university these days”.
”Well, as a massive Tory and an even bigger gay, I’m delighted to bring to you the authoritative guide of how to be a Tory at university.”
In strong words to fellow grass-root Conservatives, he continued: “I myself have become a lot more bearable in my time at uni – not my opinion, but the view of most of my lefty friends (I’m on the verge of setting up a TripAdvisor page after these glowing reviews). I believe food banks aren’t great, I support trans-rights; I even respect women!
“Now, I appreciate these concepts can be quite alien to some young Tories, so let me guide you along the path of… well, not quite righteousness, but at the very least how not to be an insufferable t***er.”
He added: “Tories are supposed to be patriotic, so get onboard with the nation’s favourite past-time: self-deprecation.
“Don’t take everything seriously: David Cameron apparently f***ed a pig; a Minister recently tweeted (in all seriousness) “I’m rooting for Big Dog Theresa!”; and Jacob Rees-Mogg—a man who looks like he couldn’t put bread in a toaster without the help of his nanny—is a high-ranking MP in our party; in other words, there is so much to laugh at.
“To misquote the great philosopher of our times, RuPaul: if you can’t laugh at yourself, how the hell are you going to laugh at someone else?”
Mr Calgie, who dubs himself a ‘Mayite’, also touched on the relationship between student Tories and women.
The politics boffin, who is doing a British politics and legislative studies degree at Hull University, stressed that women are not interested in debating government policies on nights out.
He posted: “News flash: most students do not give a s*** about the merits of a Brexit backstop or about no-platforming. Learn how to spot when people are up for a debate vs when people just want to talk about the latest episode of I’m a Celeb.
“You can say “feminism is cancer” all you want — you can even claim you’re being entirely ironic—but don’t hold out for a stint on Live at the Apollo.
“Being controversial is not a sense of humour. Joking about how you hate yourself and quoting four year-old Vines—now that’s humour, my friend.”
Mr Calgie commented on free speech and the ‘snowflake’ generation – to which he belongs.
He wrote: “”Muh free speech” is often the battlecry of student Tories and right-wing commentators alike, but way too often young Tories fail to realise often they’re the ones acting like “snowflakes”; you only have to look at the backlash to the recent Gillette advert to see how easily triggered and offended young white males can get.
“I’m not saying don’t get offended, just realise that it’s not just the left who do so — oh, and whilst I’m at it, for the love of all that is holy stop calling people snowflakes without any sense of irony. It’s honestly so cringe.”
Lastly, he told Conservative readers to “get with the times”.
“Stop caring about people’s gender, appreciate that rape culture is a thing and that BAME people are unfairly discriminated against by the justice system. Most of your uni mates will judge you more for your social views than whether DEFRA should ban plastic straws,” he said.
“Not only will getting onboard with the times help you make friends, but you may as well aim to be on the right side of history x.”
In reference to a notorious stunt by Cambridge University student Ronald Coyne in July 2017, he wrote: “Don’t burn £20 notes in front of the homeless. I shouldn’t have to go into any more detail on this one.”
He continued: “Just wear normal clothes
“”Uh, Christian, aren’t you being a huge hypocrite here?” I hear my friends cry. Ok fine, yes I am. Go away.
“I enjoy my Barbour jackets, my chinos and my designer labels. All I’m conveying is that my friends seem to think it is “odd” to dress smartly for lectures, so don’t shoot the messenger here.
“That being said, if you think about turning up to uni in a suit—or even own a double-breasted jacket—I will have to talk to the authorities about the possibility of chemical castration.”
by James Gant