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“Schrodinger’s Chanting” Discovered At Football Matches

A strange case of “Schrodinger’s Chanting” has been spotted at football grounds amongst fans who simultaneously want to go home and not go home. Like the hypothesised cat, who is both dead and alive, new cases of football fans who are both heading home and not heading home have emerged disguised in chants that appear […]

Jack Peat by Jack Peat
2016-12-18 19:38
in Satire
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A strange case of “Schrodinger’s Chanting” has been spotted at football grounds amongst fans who simultaneously want to go home and not go home.

Like the hypothesised cat, who is both dead and alive, new cases of football fans who are both heading home and not heading home have emerged disguised in chants that appear to indicate their disdain of a town as well as their eagerness to stay around and drink all its beer.

The discovery came after Doncaster Rovers fans were recently heard chanting about how they thought Plymouth was a “shithole” and how much they wanted to go home, before suddenly reverting their stance to songs on how keen they were to stay in the city with cries of “don’t take me home”.

Professor Gilburt of the University of Facts said: “This is ground-breaking stuff.

“It’s more than 80 years since Schrodinger first hypothesised his theory about the cat, and now to think that humans can simultaneously live in two states is tremendously exciting.”

Plymouth’s chairman James Brent first alerted scientists to the phenomenon after been rather offended at jibes pointed at his city. However he was immediately calmed by counter-chants that the travelling supporters actually rather liked the place and wouldn’t mind staying for a beer or two after the game.

The contradicting choruses led him to conclude that the fans existed in two separate states, one of disdain for the town and one of admiration for it. Although he later admitted to personally erring on the side of the former.

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