Joes Sketch

By Joe Mellor, Deputy Editor Unlike every other PMQs, this one was a quiet affair. The MPs kept their shrieks and cries for the budget that followed, but there was still plenty of time for kitchen “jokes” aimed at Miliband, which (bacon) rolled - see anyone can do it - into the Chancellor’s statement as well. The one-liners were universally terrible, but at least Cameron carries his off in a smug way, that I can handle. But Gideon’s delivery is...

By Joe Mellor, Deputy Editor It was an awful PMQs, but luckily for the members of Parliament, every journalist was outside Jeremy Clarkson’s house. This session might have gone unnoticed, like a Russian submarine slipping past the Farne Islands. Well I did watch PMQs, and it reminded me of splitting-up with your partner. When all hope is lost, but you need to wait a few weeks before the removal van arrives, to pass the time you throw insults at each...

By Joe Mellor, Deputy Editor PMQs began with both leaders arguing about how many immigrants are entering the UK. The assumption appears to be we that don’t want more people in the country, if that’s the case then both parties have failed; the Conservatives more recently. Luckily both leaders’ were saved by Farage, who had used his flagship speech earlier in the day to scrap his proposed 50,000 quota, and now looks as confused as everyone else, about immigration control....

By Joe Mellor, Deputy Editor Ed was dashing, daring and decisive, I expected him to pull his face mask off and reveal his brother. But no, this was all Ed, he reminded me of (if you are not a Robert Zemeckis fan, see you in the next paragraph/article) George McFly in Back to the Future, who somehow manages to turn from weakling to hero, knocking out his bullying nemesis Biff Tannen. Today, Miliband used every question to get the PM...

By Joe Mellor, Deputy Editor Mexican drug cartels, terrorist organisations and now dodgy party donors. It’s a wonder HSBC had time to sell PPI insurance to us mere mortals, but they did…bless them. Hours before today’s PMQs there were revelations about political benefactors (mainly Tories), peers and a high profile MP who held accounts in Switzerland with HSBC. It appears the world’s local bank – for the super-rich – is an office in Zurich. This was Ed’s chance to finally...

By Joe Mellor, Deputy Editor While watching PMQs last week, I was so frustrated with Miliband’s refusal to answer whether he had said he was “weaponising the NHS,” I stuck two pencils in my nose and prepared to head-butt the desk, but at the last minute I thought, “They are not worth it” Well today Miliband used all his questions to ask the PM about his tax cuts to hedge funds. The PM failed to answer the question once. I...

By Joe Mellor, Deputy Editor I remember being at school and being caught throwing some chalk at a fellow pupil (that shows my age and level of rebelliousness). I denied it even though I had done it and everyone knew I’d done it. The more they asked the more I refused to take the blame and the worse it got. Well that is what happened to Ed today. It isn’t the initial problem, it’s the lying that makes it worse....

By Joe Mellor, Deputy Editor I’m quite paranoid and believe the whole world is a conspiracy (against who, I’m not certain), but I am sure there was a very elaborate planned “joke,” during today’s PMQs. The sting began with Robert Jenrick, Con, who said of Miliband’s economic policy, “to be blunt” “James Blunt!” his partner in crime sitting beside him, chipped in, “he would send the UK back to bedlam,” he finished. Then Robert Redford (played by the PM) stepped...

By Joe Mellor, Deputy Editor I was brought up in Newcastle upon Tyne and watching pub fights escalate was a common occurrence. Surprisingly the two leaders reminded me of one of these skirmishes, albeit it in an Oxbridge, educated duel way, rather than a bottling on Shields Road, Byker. After watching a number of these confrontations, the violence tends to only escalate once the door staff have broken it up, then both parties can really throw insults at each other,...