By RB
Work in an office? Here’s a handy list of the top five people you’re bound to run into.
The suck up
Adept at instantaneously assessing whether or not your approval is valuable to their career progression, the suck up knows exactly who they, well, need to suck up to. With a nose browner than an SAS camouflage task force, they follow management around like a disabled Labrador desperately searching for its owner. Beware. They’re as slippery as a wet fish, and can mould their personality quicker than you can change your knickers.
The back stabber
Steve was your best friend. You and him shared everything together, from the latest office gossip to the last digestive. You bonded over your mutual dislike of old management systems, lack of recognition in the work place, and tiresome processes. He was one of you! Until that is you were up for the same promotion, and it turns out he ‘accidentally’ lost that file you were working on, sabotaged your power point presentation, and told everyone in the office that you’re a slag who got off with the IT assistant at that work do’ last month. He probably punched your nan in the face as well. Steer clear.
The guy who falls asleep at his desk
Every day at 2.20pm on the dot, Tim’s head falls onto his protruding stomach like a sack of potatoes as he lapses into his post-lunch snooze. You’ve tried everything from mild coughing to a fog horn to wake him up but to no avail. For the last 6 months the HR department have been trying to think of a way they can fire him without resulting in an appointment at the citizens’ advice bureau.
The couple that are clearly having an affair
They leave at the same time and catch the same tube. They stay at the same Premier Inn on work ‘away days’, and you once caught them at very close proximity in the printing room. Basically, it’s an open secret that Phil and Karen are going at it like hammer and tong. You feel sorry for their respective partners but alas, that’s the cut and thrust of the business world – quite literally.
The underhand boss
When Jenna started she seemed like a breath of fresh air. Finally, a boss who would listen to your grievances and do something about them, exactly what the company needed! Fast forward 3 months and your pays been cut, your working hours have been extended, and you’ve been moved down the other side of the office, away from all your friends, tossed to the back of the pile like an old chew toy. Oh, and remember Steve? He’s just been promoted. To your new line manager.