Parliamentary sketch 10th June – It’s quoting not gloating dear

By Joe Mellor, Deputy Editor

I remember when I was boy and I misbehaved with my mates, my mum would say “stop showing off in front of your friends,” and it had the desired effect, of shaming me into silence. It ruined my self-confidence and I barely spoke to another human until years of counselling, but that’s another story.

Well this was the trick Harriet Harman used on the PM today, and it worked…a bit. Obviously the PM is fully aware he is above Harman, in terms of social standing. When Harman said “show some class,” Cameron and the rest of the Tories guffawed, they didn’t get the context, but anyone beneath them mentioning the word “class,” can and will be ridiculed.

But Harriet’s put downs worked in the way a domineering dinner lady, at Eton, might have reprimanded Cameron for throwing mash at Boris, in the dining hall.

It began when the PM made a slightly bizarre joke about a Chinese general hosing his own troops. Harman said he has won his election, he doesn’t need revert to “ranting, sneering and gloating”.

The PM then stood up and gloated, while quoting Harman who had said, “the greatest number of people are relieved [Ed] didn’t get in”. The angry dinner lady then repeated herself and said “can’t he just stop gloating, and answer the question?”

The PM said “sorry if you think I’m gloating”, he gloated, and then again quoted Harman who said, “people need a leader who is economically competent”. To finish off the gloat-a-thon he said, “I will be quoting the Shadow leader as much as possible”.

However, those two quips aside the PM was a lot more subdued than normal, but the rest of his party certainly wasn’t. The new TV angle (after over 25 years, never say the Houses of Parliament are not dynamic) gives you even more ways to view the Conservatives, well, gloating…it’s horrible. You can see all the way down the front benches, the weird, the school bully, the sexually depraved, all of life’s rich tapestry.

But it was Harman who was the most offensive today; she argued that the EU referendum should be held on a day there are no other elections. Are we, the people, too thick to carry out more than one task? “It’s either the dry cleaners or the big shop today, you know we can’t do both darling, our tiny brains will explode”.

Assuming our heads don’t combust while considering our membership of the common market, the implosion of the Tories on this matter is on the horizon. Philip Davies, Con, argued whether Angela Merkel would stop selling us BMW’s and Audi’s, if we left the EU. The answer is of course she wouldn’t, but would anyone here have any cash to buy one?

As spring followed winter, Douglas Carswell, UKIP, asked a question about the EU. The PM said how as a party of one, he already had a back bench rebellion, it was a decent quip, but those anti-EU UKIP sentiments, are also rife on his backbenches. Poking fun at Carswell will only make it worse for himself.

You can feel the Tories pulling themselves apart on this issue (again) and the party may well explode, like my brain cells trying to put crosses in TWO different boxes, on polling day.

Sycophantic question of the day

Nigel Huddleston, Con, who mentioned the Long Term Economic Plan and a new train line through the PM’s constituency, leading the PM to say, “you are my new best friend,” which made the rest of the house hate him, and hopefully in time, himself.

Winner

Well the biggest cheer of the day was for Andrea Jenkyns, Con, new member for Morley and Outwood, ousting Ed Balls. The PM said he was dreaming of that result, but considering the sexual tension between the two over the years, I wonder if he had ever had some more personal dreams, about the ex-shadow chancellor.