Satire: Foxes Offered Last Minute Bailout Deal
Britain’s wild foxes have been offered a last minute bailout deal by The Conservatives after talks to save the species from privileged countryside toffs reached a drawn-out conclusion.
Leaders have agreed to keep the current legislation in place after marathon talks went on well in to the night. Under the deal, hunters will continue to overlook legal restrictions as long as anti-campaigners promise to restructure their attacks to focus exclusively on class warfare, which they quietly enjoy.
Any protests based on animal welfare and the abhorrent cruelty of the sport will be nullified under the new agreement.
“There will be no Foxit”, said a Tory backbencher, referring to the fear that if there had been no deal, foxes could have crashed out of the British countryside. “The deal is difficult, but we agreed that rampant, archaic fox culling in the name of sport should be subject to some guidelines, if only to keep the pesky urbanites stum”.
The long-winded revision of the fox hunting ban was set to be put in front of Parliament after elitists grew tired of foxes who “owed their lives” to law abiding landed gentry. “This debt must be repaid”, said Lord Beardsley-Bottomly, stopping outside the dry cleaners with a bag of red coats and hat ribbons. “If we get rid of the Scots then we can get rid of the foxes. Then it’s just the working class we need to eradicate, although Cammers is doing a good job of that in Parliament.”
Animal rights campaigner Ricky Gervais conveyed his delight that moves to overturn the ban had been crushed by inviting journalists into his home to take photos of him posing ugly faces in the bath.