Satire

Prince William times paternity leave to perfection

Prince William is set to cash in on two weeks paternity leave just as the football World Cup kicks off in June.

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge announced today that they are expecting their third child with just nine months to go until the tournament kicks off in Russia.

William, who may have otherwise been engaged in a busy schedule of hand-shaking and ribbon cutting, has now got the green light to clear his calendar for two weeks of non-stop international football.

Speaking outside Buckingham Palace today staunch royalist and Gooner Ray Smith congratulated the Prince on “playing a blinder”.

“I didn’t realise what he’d done until I did my calculations, but then it all made sense.

“In nine months time he’s going to have his feet up next to the telly with a beer cooler by his feet and a pack of ten sausage rolls by his side.

“It’s an inspired move by the boy, and shows the royals still have class”.

A spate of pregnancies are expected to be announced across the country as football fans count down to the opening ceremony in mid-June.

The imminent tournament has seen shares in Clear Blue rocket, while Durex has taken a proverbial pummelling.

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Jack Peat

Jack is a business and economics journalist and the founder of The London Economic (TLE). He has contributed articles to VICE, Huffington Post and Independent and is a published author. Jack read History at the University of Wales, Bangor and has a Masters in Journalism from the University of Newcastle-upon-Tyne.

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