By Charlotte Hope, Lifestyle Editor @TLE_Lifestyle
Madonna has annoyed everybody
And by everybody, I do of course mean ‘me’. And a load of other people, but mostly me. OH HIYA I’m back, it’s 2015, and I’ve started two sentences with the word ‘and’. Quite what Mr Fleck would make of that, I don’t care to know. Back to more pressing issues than my lackadaisical approach to grammar and education: Madonna. I’ve long been of the opinion that Madonna should just hang up the leotards, let that aggressive muscle relax into homely mummy chub, and make a country album for Radio 2. Imagine the traction she’d get! Bob Harris would be all over that shit.
Instead, Madonna continues on her quest to remain relevant and has made a new album. Critics have been quite kind about said album, entitled ‘Rebel Heart’- which sounds like a perfume. Perhaps she’ll release it alongside a nice new scent? Perhaps. I haven’t troubled myself with listening to it, but I did hear one song called ‘Bitch, I’m Madonna’. How embarrassing. Someone leaked the album online and instead of being cool about it, Madonna started Instagramming pictures of important historical figures – Martin Luther King, Jr and Nelson Mandela, hashtagging them as ‘Rebel Hearts’. Thus putting herself into the camp of people who literally changed the face of history. Yeah, that’s really annoying and weird, ‘Madge’. Why not just do another few Don McLean covers and call it a day?? Ugh.
Kanye does a song with Paul McCartney
Someone who seems to have accepted his lot and done all sorts of lovely things and experiments is Paul McCartney. Instead of taking tips from Sir Paul, Madonna included John Lennon in her Rebel Heart series of insulting pictures. I really need to get over this, but I fear I never will. Kanye and Sir Paul have done a song together, ‘Only One’, allegedly about Kanye’s daughter. Say what you like about Kanye and his enormous ego, you can’t deny he’s an interesting artist (to say the least). This is a great collaboration and if I could insert the clapping Emoji here I would.
Hilariously, this pairing has brought up the question of ‘who is Paul McCartney?’for a boat load of children who’s parents have raised them incorrectly. Said children took to Twitter to voice their confusion – some going as far as to say that this Paul McCartney guy is gonna get so famous now. I mean. Sure. Sure.
Stephen Fry to wed boyfriend
And a happy story to round off today’s scathing account of the celebrity world around us. Today it was announced that Stephen Fry is to marry his boyfriend of circa 18 months. Oh! Lovely. Of course plenty of people have chimed in that his boyfriend, Elliott Spencer, is 30 years younger than Fry. How lovely of social media, to flag up something Stephen Fry couldn’t possibly have been aware of. How diligent!
Regardless of a smattering of homophobia and a little ageism thrown in for good measure, the response in the media and on social media has been overwhelmingly supportive. Fry himself tweeted how wonderful it was to receive so much congratulation. One hopes he manages to block those ill wishes who are trying to, to borrow a phrase from Jez Usborne, piss on his bonfire. It’s a lovely happy piece of news to see in the New Year. Good luck and Happy New Year to Stephen, Elliott, and all of you lovelies who read this wee column.