Categories: Satire

‘In’ or ‘out’ conundrum to remain in winter coat

The most crucial decision this year is upon us all, should we remain ‘in’ or ‘out’ of our winter coats.

The country is split, and the decision can be make or break your plans for the future.

Conflicted John Stones, 38 from Ebbsfleet said: ‘I did a poll of my family and they all said it was time to leave it off, but who trusts pollster anymore? They hate the coat anyway, they say it weighs me down, doesn’t suit me and cost too much.

‘I mean I know there could be sunny days ahead, but with our climate you can never be sure. I know I’m protected from the elements in this coat, no matter how uncomfortable it may be at times. I just don’t think I would feel the benefit when we got outside.

Later he made his final decision and said: ‘I think I’m just going to stay in it, feel uncomfortable and trapped for a while longer. The idea of being left outside alone in cold is too much to bear.’

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