By Adam Turner
I’m no philosopher, nor a doctor of psychology. In fact, I’m barely even f*cking literate. I’m just a young, naive lad from Middlesbrough with an opinion – and a deep, underlying bitterness for the modern world.
So what right do I have to share my views on this messed up gaff? Or to even write this article? Absolutely none. What qualifies me to talk about international relations, society and everything in between? Absolutely nothing.
But I’m going to do it anyway, so here are my ten reasons why I think the world’s f*cked… enjoy.
1) We’re all too busy looking at what other people are doing, on our smart phones and iPads, to enjoy our own lives. Like. Retweet. “Bollocks, I’ve just missed my bairn’s first step.”
2) *Disclaimer: This one is a bit hypocritical*
Social media gives every idiot in the world the chance to share their self-righteous views on things they know very little/nothing about. Bring back the days when you didn’t know, or care, if your next door neighbour was a Tory.
3) We are obsessed with sharing even the most intimate things… with everyone. There’s no filter, whether it’s tweeting a picture of yourself in a sexy new bra or uploading a post-sex selfie of you and the Mrs to FB. Have a word.
4) People buy certain types of food, not because they like them, but because they are ‘cool’. I’m sick to death of hearing about quinoa (Microsoft word doesn’t even recognise it, it’s that shit) and avocado salads. Throw me a Greggs corn beef pasty, any day.
5) The word selfie. No explanation needed.
6) One Direction. Well, celebrity culture in general. It seems everything and everyone is/are obsessed with celebrity: newspapers, social media, christ, even my nan loves TOWIE. Only messing, she’s from Boro.
7) Nobody gives a shit about things that actually matter. From the snooper’s charter and fracking, to David Cameron’s plans to scrap the Human Rights Act. Nobody. Actually. Cares.
8) We don’t interact anymore. The digital world has eclipsed real life. We’d rather What’s app a mate than go round for a brew. F*cked.
9) Dating apps have replaced romance and serendipity. To put it into context, instead of telling your grandkids about how you grandma fell in love hitchhiking through Israel, you’ll tell them about how you met: on Tinder… love at the swipe of a button. Aghh, the memories.
10) Everything is too easy. We can order takeaways or find a hotel at the click of a button. Take me back to the days of trawling through the Yellow Pages looking for a decent curry house and rocking up to dodgy-looking B&B’s in the middle of the night.
Don’t listen to me, though, I’m just a bitter, northern bloke with a naff degree. Think for yourself. Over and out.
