Theresa May tells UK economy it has six months to live

Theresa May called the UK economy into her surgery and told it that it only has six months to live.

Reportedly May told the terminally ill economy, “By the end of March next year you will be dead, I’m sorry but we have decided that is the case.”

The economy, in desperation asked for second opinion, but that was refused. May could only take the first answer, as if she was a contestant on The Chase. “No you will live for no more than six months and that’s that. I’d love to help but my hands are tied,” she said.

A shell-shocked UK economy said: “I was just getting better, I nearly died after a major collapse back in 2008, but I battled back. This is a crushing blow, I was just turning a corner and enjoying life again. I had big plans, I felt young again, I hadn’t felt this good since the end of the long depression in 1878.”

May shook her head at the astonished patient and said: “Just go and live your life enjoy the next six months because after that you’re fucked.”

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