TLE

Put runway wherever you want you’re all fucked anyway, says Mother Nature

A sweary Mother Nature was outspoken today after plans for a new runway at Heathrow were given the go-ahead.

She said: “I am sick of fucking hearing about it, do you know how many species have died since you started talking about the new runway in the 1950s?

“The Great Barrier Reef died the other day. I thought it might be a wake-up call, but oh no, the front page of the papers were a few overdeveloped teenagers with brown skin.

“I give up, I don’t care where you put the runway you will all be dead in twenty years, pricks.

“You say you need more planes for increased business travel, have you never heard of Skype?!

“Look, I don’t want to get all political but after Brexit no bastard will want to come to your backward country anyway.”

When pushed for a hypothetical runway she would chose, a reluctant Mother Nature said: “If I HAD to it would be Heathrow, just to piss off that bell-end Boris and that platinum spoon in his mouth dickhead Zac.

“And one last thing, I’m sorry Theresa but I am a citizen of the world, now fuck off, I’m sick of every last one of you apes.”

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