Piers Morgan to be next British Prime Minister

Today Piers Morgan announced that he will be the new UKIP leader and has called for a snap general election to become Prime Minister.

The Government is in disarray following the High Court ruling over triggering Article 50 and UKIP believe now is the time to seize power and finally quash all lefty-liberal-bleeding-heart politics.

A UKIP statement read ‘Nigel Farrage has masterminded Brexit and the Trump presidency, so we are confident Morgan will be the next PM with Nigel’s backing’.

Piers Morgan said ‘With my knowledge of the media, I’ll be able to say anything I want to the stupid electorate and spin it into a positive news story, like the Express and Mail has done with Brexit. Since I have backing from the Daily Mail, Sun and Express I might as well move into Number 10 today as everyone knows they decide on elections.’

He added ‘I’ve been to see Rupert Murdoch and he told me he is no longer behind Theresa May who went to see him a few days after becoming PM. He’s backing me instead…  just as long as I do his bidding. He even gave me a bag of 30 pieces of silver, which was strange but cool’.

‘Now Trump is US president, it opens the door for television personalities like me. It just goes to show that the public are more backward than we gave them credit for. As long as I appeal to racist, sexist, insular, Britain’s Got Talent fans, I’ll be Prime Minister before you can say ‘Ban gay marriage”.

 

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