Owen Smith desperate to lose leadership race after accidently offering to negotiate with IS himself

Owen Smith left the BBC studio contest against Jeremy Corbyn today and thought it had gone well, until he spoke to his team.

Smith said to his campaigners: “It wasn’t like I offered to do the job or anything, I never said I had experience negotiating with other terrorist groups…oh shit.

“You don’t think they would give me the job to go to Syria to meet them do you? do you?! I was planning on just going for boozy lunches with big Pharma lobbyists when I became leader.”

Now worryingly waiting for the results of the contest, a shaking Smith said: “It is squeaky bum time, I really hope I don’t get it, I was doing so well,” to which even his own team couldn’t stifle their giggles.

Reportedly Smith shouted at his team: “Why don’t you think an ex-Pfizer lobbyist, who supports unless nuclear weapons and called 999 to ask if I could speak to the press office, can’t become Labour leader?”

Corbyn said in statement later: “I said I wouldn’t negotiate with IS, but when I win I’m happy for Smith to give it a go.”

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