Mystery candidate to stand in next General Election

#satire

Following the success of the Brexit referendum, MPs today voted in a new bill to allow a mystery candidate to stand in the next General Election.

Essentially, the new law means the public won’t know who the mystery candidate is, or what their policies are, until after they have been elected.

The mystery candidate won’t need to publish a manifesto and will not be bound by strict electoral rules. However, they will be expected to set out their ‘hopes’ and ‘aspirations’.

It is understood that a mystery Party, known only as the ‘Make Great Britain Great Again, Again, Party’ has already selected an unidentified candidate to stand as the next Prime Minister.

Boris Johnson, one of the MPs who backed the new rule, told us ‘The Great British public has shown that they are ready to scrum down and get behind someone who says they will make Great Britain Great again, no matter who it is, or what their policies or credentials are. It’s a great opportunity.’

There are huge concerns from MPs opposed to the bill; predominantly that people won’t be given any credible information about who or what they are voting for.  One MP told us ‘we could end up with an unqualified, unpopular, or extremely dangerous ruling leader – and we won’t be able to do a darn thing about it once they are voted in.’

The current Environment secretary Michael Gove also backed the change, stating ‘The Public is sick of experts. What we need now is promises, sound bites and conjecture to get the electorate behind someone.’

‘Of course, we don’t know what that something is, but it is highly likely to be great. Let’s make Great Britain Great Again.’

There is some speculation about who the mystery candidate is. Some reports suggest it is former UKIP leader Nigel Farrage, whilst last night the odds were slashed on Gary Liniker being the mystery candidate.

One Westminster insider claimed that the mystery candidate is Jacob Rees-Mogg who will be standing twice – once for the Conservative Party, and once as the masked candidate.

The new law is very clear that, once elected, if the identity and policies are not to the public’s taste, there will be no chance to vote again.  However, the mystery candidate will be under no obligation to deliver on their campaign promises.

Data released today shows the mystery candidate is currently ahead in the polls.

#satire

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