Marketers seen offering vital organs to retain people on their mailing list

Marketers have been found offering people vital organs such as lungs and kidneys in order to keep them on their mailing lists following the GDPR rollout.

Pleas to keep people signed up have been growing increasing desperate as the deadline looms, with one CMO giving away his house to get a long-standing client to “opt in” to his mail shots.

Others who have already lost all their earthly possessions have been forced to trade off their vital organs and limbs in order to retain email addresses.

One campaign, entitled “Let’s not lose touch. Please. We’ll do anything.” has attracted widespread criticism from human rights groups who are currently delivering life-saving blood transfusions to interns in Shoreditch.

But several punters say the upshot has been quite positive for them.

Bob Knight, who decided to opt-in to mail shots from Asda after getting bombarded by their begging mail, said he has inherited three caravans in the Cotswolds and a mint in-package Superman collectable after dispensing with details of his Hotmail account.

He said: “I was just perusing my spam emails when I came across one from Asda saying they’d give me anything to keep me on their list.

“I thought it was all a bit desperate but when the offer of a third caravan came up I couldn’t resist.

“And they would have offered me a lot more too, believe me!”

Insolvency rates of marketers have reportedly shot up following roll out of new rules around b-to-c marketing.

Sales of flat whites and craft beer have also plummeted as marketers are forced to cut the essentials from their day-to-day lives.

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