HSBC makes Geordies keep memorable word as “Shearer” than use voice activation

HSBC has rolled out voice recognition across the UK to replace the need for passwords, but have by-passed Newcastle-upon-Tyne with the new software.

The bank’s Head of new technology James Gittens, 45, said: “It is fool proof and we have spent millions on the software, but we had to draw the line somewhere, give us a chance.

“We just want all Newcastle customers to continue to ring in to prove their ID. Our call centre staff don’t understand a word they say either, but literally everyone of their memorable words is Shearer, so it’s not our fault if they access the wrong accounts. We need to cover our backs as we are a reputable organisation, apart from laundering drug money, and well, loads of other things.”

Geordie man Stevie Laidlaw, 28 said: “why aye yee dafty buggars divn’t understand uz, yous divvies are the reet dafties, propa rarfies man. I cannit stoll on kidda, gannin to toon to get pewa mortal.”

Leave a Reply