Gorilla says: “calm down I was only after a jar of Marmite”

The Gorilla who was captured at London Zoo has told reporters that he was just on the way to panic buy a jar of his beloved Marmite.

The heavily tranquilized gorilla said: “You apes are not that clever, I usually pop out down to the Tesco Metro in St John’s Wood once or twice a month to get a jar of Marmite, do you honestly think I want to eat bananas, all day, every day?

“However, today I heard one the apes talking to another ape about the drought due to Brexit, and there might be none left by tonight. I had to make a dash for it, it was rash, but then you apes are not thinking rationally at the minute either.

“It was stupid, but I fucking LOVE marmite.

“The BBC reported I been seen by other apes and that I had appeared to be “really angry” and was “banging on the cage, ” of course I fucking was, you Brexiteers are ruining the one thing that makes this cage bearable, staring at you apes all day is appalling.

“There was no need to shoot me though, the row with Unilever has been settled anyway, I’ll just one order Marmite on-line from now on. The slow death of the hight street.”

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