Cabinet split over how best to wreck ordinary people’s lives using Brexit

A major split has emerged in the Cabinet over how best to use Brexit to wreck ordinary people’s lives, it has been revealed.

Chancellor Philip Hammond is understood to favour a transitional deal that would “cause significant suffering for demographic groups that Tories hate, but strung out over a period of several years so as to maximise the psychological impact.”

Jeremy Hunt, in his capacity as Secretary of State for Running Down and Privatising the NHS, has suggested that suddenly ending freedom of movement “will cause a massive shortage of manpower in our hospitals, making it easier to justify dismantling the inefficient and anachronistic NHS that most rich people do not even use.”

Michael Gove is understood to support whatever will give him a pay cheque from Rupert Murdoch. Speaking outside Parliament, Mr Gove said: “I continue to believe that the best option for Britain is to avoid all facts and rational thought, and just do a hard Brexit and whatever else Rupert Murdoch thinks will result in the greatest personal financial gain for himself.”

In an attempt to down-play rumours of the Cabinent rift, a spokeserson for the Prime Minister said: “Despite disagreements over how best to do it, the Cabinet is united in its goal to implement a version of Brexit that is as harmful possible to ordinary people, especially to the poor, the disabled and foreigners.”

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