Blue passports to be heavier so Brits can slap foreign custom officials aside

Today some Brexit voters are celebrating as the Home Office has announced that British passports will change from burgundy to blue after Britain leaves the EU.

Conservative Immigration Minister Brandon Lewis said he was delighted to return to the ‘iconic’ blue and gold design, which despite not being used for over 30 years, was first introduced nearly 100 years ago.

Nigel Farrage responded by tweeting ‘Happy Brexmas’. ‘In the 2016 referendum, we wanted our passports back. Now we’ve got them back!’

The Home Office also went on to confirm that the new/old blue passport will be heavier. This is designed to enable Brits to slap foreign customs officials out of they way if they dare hold any member of the Empire in long customs queues.

Rupert Smythe, 60, from Surrey, said ‘Thank God common sense has prevailed and we now have our powerful blue passport back. We’ll now be able to slap those inferior foreigners out of the way if they even dare to make us queue.’

Smythe added ‘Even if we do have to queue for four hours to get into Corfu, it’s worth the cost to have a blue passport instead of the burgundy monstrosity.’

Pam Harding from Wiltshire added ‘Queuing is very British, so we’ll look particularly British standing in long queues with our famous blue passports. I can’t wait.’

Pam continued ‘Blue also represents everything that is Great about Great Britain, such as Thatcher, proper passports, and Blue Nun wine.

Aside from the Home Office confirming the new passport will be blue and heavier, all biometrics will also be removed. A Home Office official said ‘As part of the Empire, we don’t feel British people should be required to ‘prove’ themselves in some sort of ‘invasive EU test’.

‘Instead, we’ll be reverting to the old system whereby British people simply need to wave their blue passport at customs officials in order to stroll through borders.’

The Home Office did confirm that arrangements for this new/old system have not yet been agreed by EU member states, but Brexit Secretary David Davis is confident of a deal.


#SATIRE (although Nigel Farage quotes are real!)

2 Responses

  1. Paul

    This is an article from a typical remoaner always pulling the country down and trying to make out that were all racist and thick little Britainers.

    Have you ever wondered why we voted to leave in the first place.

Leave a Reply