Best mate suddenly expert on foreign trade deals

Normal people up and down the country are noticing that friends and family members have suddenly become experts on trade-deals with emerging nations, it was revealed today.

Despite previous interest being refined to civil servants working in the corridors of Whitehall, it appears that people throughout the UK are now authorities on international trade deals and treaties, despite having no formal background in the subject.

A poll conducted today reveals that many people are expressing the surprising view that the UK should exit the most successful trading block in history, accounting for half of the UK’s trade, in exchange for negotiating new trade deals with countries like India, China and the Faroe Islands.

Despite complex trade deals notoriously taking years, or even decades to establish, Terry Jefferies, 33, is certain it’s the right course of action for the UK:

‘In my view, we just need to leave the EU. Then we can negotiate our own trade deals.’ He says.

‘Granted, I’m not heavily invested in emerging markets like Jacob Rees-Mogg, and I don’t have an EU based investment firm, like Jacob Rees-Mogg, and, I’m not in a position to hedge against the UK economy like Jacob Rees-Mogg. But it makes perfect sense to import cheap food from China, rather than from our neighbouring countries. The EU has loads of ridiculous rules and red tape to make sure what we’re eating isn’t contaminated or poor quality – but that just pushes the price up.’

Terry’s best mate Olly Mealing, 36, isn’t so sure about Terry’s newfound international trade expertise:

 ‘I’m really surprised Terry is taking such a keen interest in foreign trade. Until recently he was totally obsessed with immigration and wanting to close all of the UK’s borders. But now, he hasn’t stopped banging on about ‘freedom to negotiate our own trade deals’.’

‘He hates Chinese food and I don’t think he knows the first thing about trade deals. He works in a car factory, and I heard that Brexit-supporting economist Pat Minford (the guy who invented Poll Tax) says leaving the EU would ‘mostly eliminate manufacturing’… so he could be out of the job.’

‘But to be honest I’m just glad he’s stopped going on about immigration.’


1 Response

  1. I don’t agree with your mate Terry Jefferies, but actually it’s great that he has bothered to read up about international trade deals. Part of Gordon Brown’s article in yesterday’s ‘Guardian’ newspaper was an appeal to the government (an the EU) to grant Britain 12 months to start up a public campaign to educate ourselves on all aspects of the European Union and whether we should remain in or leave the EU. I think this is a good idea, and good on Terry for informing himself. All I can suggest to him is that he also read up on so-called investor-state dispute settlement (ISDS) clauses which restrict democratically elected government taking legal action against any part of a ‘free trade’ agreement; in fact, ISDS clauses make it possible for an international investor to take legal action against a democratically elected government if that government passes a law or regulation that might – might – reduce the investor’s profit. Whilst the British government doesn’t seem to care – why should they? David Cameron and Theresa May are neoliberals, and the ISDS clauses is a neoliberal strategy to reduce the power of governments and increase the power of corporate investors. The EU is on the side of ordinary people and their employment opportunities and human rights.

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