Benitez signing for Newcastle signals alien invasion

Rafa Benitez, the only manager in history to have won the UEFA Cup, UEFA Super Cup, UEFA Champions League and FIFA Club World Cup has signalled an alien invasion that will end humanity, after signing for Newcastle United.

The part-time football manager and full-time lizard king from Zakiza C in the Andromeda galaxy has lived among us for years. On Earth he quickly realised that as well as being an alien sent to wipe out humanity, he was also rather good at organising eleven men to win games of association football .

He said, using his 4 foot tongue: “The lads back home on Zakiza C have become quite interested in football, in fact we injected some of our DNA into Messi’s dodgy knees.

“However we agreed if I ever signed for some tin pot club; that would be the signal to launch an attack on planet earth. I was waiting for the Grimsby Town job to come up, but this was to good a chance to take. As if a human Benitez would take over a club who just lost 3-1 at home to Bournemouth. You apes should have seen this coming.

“The world will end at exactly 9.48pm on Monday night, as the lads on Zakiza C just want to see if I can do a number on Leicester City first.”

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