Apple have told their UK customers that they want their stores to be as close to a UK town square experience as possible.
Sarah Jaziek, head of marketing said: “We have invested heavily in the UK town square market product, our focus groups revealed that we really needed a group of drunks to brawl just as the stores close.
“So now at 6.02pm each day, thirty or so AI robots will appear from nowhere and start to attack each other, for no apparent reason.
“We are constantly innovating and are hoping to create AI robots to sick up kebabs, flag down imaginary taxis, and ask our female customers to give them a flash of their breasts.
“We will aim to introduce these enhanced customer experiences, when the next Apple iPhone is launched, which has a guide price of circa £8,500 at the moment.”