10 Brilliant things that have happened since Brexit Vote

Feeling a bit worried and gloomy about Brexit? Well, quit your moaning – we’re here to give you a few things to feel positive about.

Following Theresa May’s crushing Common’s defeat over her Brexit Deal, it’s easy to feel confused and disheartened, whichever side of the fence you sit on.

Well, don’t fret. Although we haven’t even left the EU yet, some brilliant things have happened as a result of the Brexit vote.  Here’s our top ten list of things to be pleased about:

Weak Pound

Brexiteers like to point out that ‘project fear’ hasn’t come to pass, and the experts got it wrong. However they do forget that the Pound has devalued so severely since the Leave vote, almost everything we buy is more expensive.

Yes, most food, drink, petrol, and household goods have increased in price. And yes, this has hit most people directly in the pocket. But, there is an upside…

A select number of manufacturers and producers in the UK (those not linked to industries that have already been negatively hit by Brexit, such as automotive, financial and aerospace) are reporting small uplifts in sales from overseas due to our weak currency.

Misdirection

OK, so this one isn’t great for everyone. But, if you’re a Tory supporter, Brexit has been wonderful (apart from the fact it’s tearing the party in half).

Rising inequality, 14m people living in poverty, reliance on food-banks (who even knew that was thing!), tax evasion, and selling off the NHS by the back-door. These are all things that have gone relatively under the radar thanks to Brexit swamping the conversation.  Great news if you are intent on keeping your party in power, no matter how dreadful they are.

Trump

One of the wonderful things about Brexit was the use of Big Data companies to micro-target individual messages to our social media accounts. Companies such as Cambridge Analytica and Aggregate IQ had a hunch that privately preying on our fears and prejudices could be a powerful tool. They just needed a big enough test case to prove it.

Vote Leave and Leave.UK utilized these companies at cut-price rates, and thankfully it worked like a dream, meaning those firms could deploy this technique on a much bigger scale and make millions of dollars… which they did.

You guessed it. Without the Brexit test case, we probably wouldn’t have Trump. Donald Trump is making America Great again.

British Holiday Boom

The weak Pound has also been brilliant for UK the tourism industry.  It may be horrifically expensive to go anywhere else in the World now, but a holiday to Weston-Super-Mare still costs the same*.  Those who can just about afford to take their families on holiday are making the most of  Great British holiday destinations.

Whats more, the weak pound means more foreigners could be attracted to come and visit us too. Let’s make them feel welcome!

*Note: There may be price rises due to increased domestic and overseas demand.

We don’t care about Money

We often beat ourselves for being materialistic and money driven, but Brexit has made us realise that we don’t really care about money.

Initially we were up in arms about the claim that the UK pays £350m per week to the EU.  Money that could be spent on the NHS instead.

Although this figure was a complete lie and debunked immediately after the vote (oh, and it even turned out that Vote Leave did not have permission to use the NHS logo), who cares?

Since the referendum, the UK has not only agreed to pay the EU a divorce bill of £39bn, it is estimated that we’ve lost trillions in investment flows out of the UK. That’s enough to pay the NHS £350m per week for decades. The great thing is that nobody seems to care about how ridiculous this is. It’s only money, right?

Nigel Farage

Imagine if there was no such thing as Brexit and we were happy going about our business, trading freely with the largest economic trading block in the World. Adhering to all those crazy EU laws that make our food and products really high quality, and roaming around working and living wherever we choose?

Well, that all sounds great, but in that world we’d see a lot, lot less of Nigel Farage on our TV screens. Sky News, ITV and the BBC wouldn’t dust him off and roll him out at every opportunity to let him talk over actual qualified experts. That would be awful.

Political Correctness Gone Mad

In a World where political correctness has gone mad, Brexit has liberated us. Now it seems we can say anything we like to people who clearly don’t belong here.

If you have an accent, a darker skin tone than ham, or you live outside of the Home Counties, you’re not welcome here.  We can legitimately tell you to ‘go back to where you came from ’ even if that place is Cornwall. Or just shout ‘Brexit’ at you.

Our advice is don’t get a tan when you are travelling or living overseas, otherwise when you return to the UK, travelling on public transport, going to the pub, or just going about your daily business, could be dangerous.

Jobs

We’ve known for years that people from the EU have been taking our jobs. Now we’ve taken back control and created a hostile environment for anyone born outside of these shores, there are going to be many more job openings.

Forget about the fact that lower tax revenue and spending, and a ‘Brexodus’ of Industries’ will shrink the economy, we can still take our pick from a range of jobs.

It’s not just care jobs, fruit picking and labouring we can choose from. There are 40,000 nurses and doctors needed. I think I’ll be a doctor.

Migrant Crisis

If it weren’t for Brexit, there’s no way that five migrants crossing the channel would be declared a major incident. 

Forget children scavenging bins at schools or one in ten people relying on food banks in deprived areas. It’s more important that a handful of migrants willing to risk death to live in the UK, one of the richest countries on Earth, are taken out by the Navy.

Paul Dacre loses his job

We all know that the Daily Mail is the only newspaper that upholds all that is good and virtuous about Great Britain. However, we were getting slightly suspicious that the editor was a madman.

Thankfully, Brexit fully exposed Paul Dacre as a crackpot when he ran with several Brexit based headlines that would have been at home in a state-run Nazi propaganda leaflet. ‘Crush the Saboteurs’ and ‘Enemies of the People’ were our particular favourites.

Well, it seemed that Dacre became either too mad or too right-wing even for the Daily Mail. Now the Daily Mail has gone back to being the voice authority and reason, it’s left to the Mail’s comic-book cousin, the Express to bark mad shit.

Lots to be happy about

So, quit your whinging Remoaners, there’s loads to be positive about. After all, we haven’t even left the EU yet so you can expect things to get even better.

On a side note, we can actually be thankful that people are becoming more politically engaged (and are making our MPs work a little harder).

#Satire

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