The other day I was asked to lend my opinion to one of those round up the usual suspects forums of leading thinkers, academics and mouthy journalists. I’m sure you can guess my category. The question laid before us was, “What did we sense the prevailing mood was in the country and what did we make of it?” My answer was and is simple enough, if not particular eloquent. Everybody I know is pissed off about something. Chuckles all around, and yet I’m quite serious.
Look around you. For that matter, look inside you. How do you feel about climate change? You’re pissed off. Brexit? Either remain or leave, you’re pissed off. Trump? As presidential candidate Beto O’Rourke said, “Why do you even ask the question?” The decade of relative calm in the United States after the War of 1812 gets labelled as The Era of Good Feelings. Two hundred years later, good feelings are hard to come by, even with the relaxation of cannabis laws. Sooner or later you want a pizza but no one can remember the number; so now you’re high, hungry and still pissed off. Help.
V.I. Lenin wrote a book called What Is to Be Done and that is as good a place to start as any. Not with the contents of the book; good God, the Soviet Union was many things but successful wasn’t among them. No, I mean the title – is there an approach, a methodology, even a mantra will do thanks, that can break us out of our pissed offed mood?
Over the last decade I have come to know three remarkable professional life coaches, met either through my book reviews, general literary work, or in one case by extraordinary coincidence. In a profession rife with charlatans who grab solutions off a shelf and market them holus bolus without a care, Randy Spelling, Tammy Lee Marche, and Belynder Walia are three people I personally trust. Indeed – full disclosure – I have been an active patient of Tammy Lee’s and to this day I still return to her for a regular oil check and rotation of the tyres, metaphorically speaking of course, although she actually is handy with a wrench as well.
As they are scattered around the globe – Randy in the state of Oregon in the US; Tammy Lee in London, Ontario; and Belynder in London, UK – I asked for their insights through a series of emails and internet chats. The following is a summation of their thoughts.
My first question was essentially a distillation of my observation. In other words, did these three professional therapists see what I saw, a rising tide of anger? Randy Spelling, who is indeed the son of the famed Hollywood producer Aaron Spelling, put it this way: “I don’t always see that everyone is angry about something, although I completely understand what you are saying. I actually see anger turn into other emotions such as anxiety, depression, frustration, overwhelm or defeat. Anger holds the fiery energy of action. When someone is overwhelmed or anxious, action can be stifled.”
Belynder Walia, the most recent of the three to the profession added to this notion of stifling, noting, “I believe the ‘anger’ you are addressing, is a raw emotion, and there does seem to be a rise, but again, the way it is displayed varies and therefore may not be viewed as a separate and natural emotion. For example, if one is angry with his or her boss, they cannot openly express this emotion, so it is suppressed and this slowly develops into stress (although this is not always the case).Research suggests that these emotions of ‘anger’ have always served a purpose for individuals because it is in our DNA to be protective. In particular, when we speak about the fight or flight response which most are familiar with, people in the past from certain societies kept the anger at bay and opted for the ‘flight response. However, not until very recently have people been aware of the ‘pause’ button that we can apply before we react.”
Tammy Lee Marche brought God and traditional cultural norms into the picture. “We have learned through our life experience how to behave, what to believe and how the world exists around us, but often this learned behaviour starts from a premise of fear, that you are not enough to heal yourself, that you need to pray to a higher more powerful being to create what you want, instead of coming up with your answers intuitively to your life problems.”
So in general there was agreement but I was curious as to how their client-patients were exhibiting what I called anger. What were the most common problems or situations they wanted resolved? Tammy Lee: “Health issues. Energetic attachments. People who want to connect to their divine self and expand their consciousness. Groups that want to create health, peace and harmony”. Randy replied, “The most common problems presented to me are burn-out, juggling too many things, overly stressed, searching for happiness and trying to find a sense of peace / personal freedom. I have worked with many successful people. People who, from the outside seem to have it all and yet, something is missing. They want more. They want to feel connected, contented and peaceful while having fun and enjoying what they have”. And lastly Belynder noted, “The most common problems are Anxiety, Depression, Stress and Weight issues. These emotions are usually triggered by a dissatisfaction, worry or ‘lack of’ self-worth. The internal battle of lack is set in motion. The feeling of not being enough, not ‘fitting in’ to what family, friends, society, culture and environments expect, can contribute to the majority of those who suffer with these problems. I have found that many also suffer the feeling of loneliness, a lack of connection and acceptance and not being able to ‘let go’ of events and things of the past.”
As much commonality as there clearly is in terms of what they are faced with every day, their core methodologies slightly differ from one another, just as one would expect from three deep-thinking, fully-realized, ‘woke’ people. I asked each of them to describe briefly their methods.
BELYNDER: As well as being a Psychotherapist, I offer a variety of modalities including CBT, NLP, EFT, Mindfulness and RTT™ (Rapid Transformational Therapy). Furthermore, I am a member of the British Psychological Society and the National and International Council of Psychotherapist. Nearly all of what I do is based on neuroscience, that offers fast, effective results by combining the most beneficial principles. The principles deliver change from physical, emotional, and psychological pain by reframing core beliefs and values and transforming the mindset to new positive change.
RANDY: My methodology is to take concepts that people already know, many times self-help phrases such as – Love yourself more, Slow down, Practice forgiveness, Be present, Be grateful – and turn them into an experience. While these concepts all seem simple, teaching people the “how” to live these truths is a real art.
TAMMY LEE: Energy movement in partnership with one-on-one counselling thereby balancing the spiritual and physical aspects of the individual. Using these two-folded stimulates the feeling of healing and begins the harmonization of the spiritual and physical and a new love for self, life and the world begins to penetrate your existence.
Why God invented Skype
We went on to discuss several other matters, including social media (Randy: ‘If you want more peace in your life, stop getting caught in the drama of media, celebrities or other people’s drama.’) and what led them personally to pursue life coaching as a career. On that latter point, all three have had their own remarkable spiritual journeys, each from a specific, personal tipping point that very much led them along this noble pathway of helping people, one at a time.
I’m going to give the final word to Tammy Lee Marche. “Be open to the signs around you everyday, recognize that you are not going crazy (old programming), google the symbolism and decide to live a life of harmony, peace and happiness”.
Maybe, just maybe, your choosing to read this article at this time was the sign for you to reduce your anger, or whatever you choose to call it. Here are the contact details for three exceptional therapist and remarkably great people who can help you, no matter where you live in the world. That, after all, is why God invented Skype.
In loving memory of a great editor and writer Hubert O’Hearn, thank you for including us in your last written words.
TAMMY LEE MARCHE (Canada): www.totallifemanifestation.com
RANDY SPELLING (US): www.randyspelling.com
BELYNDER WALIA (UK): www.serenelifestyles.com
Related: Hubert O’Hearn obituary