2/12/14 – Susan Boyle, Shia LaBeouf, Scarlett Johansson

By Charlotte Hope, Lifestyle Editor @TLE_Lifestyle

Susan Boyle has her first boyfriend

At 53 years young, Susan Boyle has confirmed that she has her first boyfriend. Isn’t that wonderful? Yes, yes it is. You’ll probably remember from her Britain’s Got Talent audition that she alleged that she’d ‘never been kissed’. Then she did a weird hip gyrating thing. But that’s by the by, ancient history, old news. Because now she’s in a relationship with an American doctor. A doctor who is American. Not someone that treats Americans. That’s not a thing. Americanism is not a disease.

Anyway, she allegedly met said doctor when he was staying in the same hotel as her at some point, and they enjoyed a romantic meal together. SuBo went on to say, in an interview in The Sun, that he’s said he’ll visit her in West Lothian. Sidenote: she still lives in West Lothian? Isn’t she a multi millionaire? She could literally live anywhere. She must just love the weather. Of the proposed visit, she said ‘I hope he comes over’. Of an unconfirmed trip in a national newspaper, she said that. She does not know how to play the game, does she? He texts, leave it a bit to text back. That’s the game, SuBo. If I went to a national newspaper to chat about my love life i’d be EVEN MORE single than I am no.. oh. I’ve kind of done that already, haven’t I?

Shia LaBeouf continues to possibly be insane

 Remember Shia LaBeouf? Of course you do. He’s a prominent movie star. So prominent, it seems, that he’s had to lose his mind in order to continue working in the Hollywood zoo. That’s just something I came up with, but I’m rolling with it. It emerged earlier this year that LaBeouf had plagiarised a story from an existing graphic novel, and to apologise he hired a skywriting plane and had an apology, which he had also lifted from elsewhere written into the skies above LA. A proportionate response, I think we can all agree.

LaBeouf took his behaviour further when he started a performance art installation called I am Sorry in LA in early 2014. Most recently, LaBeouf conducted a ‘silent interview’with a writer from Dazed and Confused magazine. This comprised of the two involved sitting opposite each other with cameras strapped to their foreheads, looking at each other. It was LaBeouf’s idea, with him suggesting ‘so I’m present in the magazine only in words obtained digitally and online I’m present only through a mute physical presence and the reality of my self lies somewhere between and beyond the two’. The entire body of the interview was obtained over email. Unusual, no? If Graham Norton takes this approach then my Friday nights are ruined. I might actually have to go out now.

Scarlett Johansson could be married

Well, it looks like you can kiss your hopes and dreams goodbye, men and women of the world, because Scarlett Johansson is probably married. I mean, you definitely never had a chance. You’ve never even met her. Get over it. Let her live her life. Anyway, Johansson gave birth to her French partner’s child earlier this Autumn and the rumours are that she’s secretly married him at some point since the birth. There’s nothing like specific detail to really bring a story together, is there?

Johansson had previously been quoted as saying she was enjoying engaged life, but an engagement can’t last forever. For some reason, she has decided that it isn’t the general public’s right to know exactly what’s going on in her life, and hasn’t yet released a statement or sold personal photos for millions of pounds. Weird, right? But her partner has been seen with a simple gold band on his ring finger, so I guess we can assume it’s all over for us.


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