By Charlotte Hope @charlottehope

Britney Spears is single again

 Britney Spears’career is trucking along at a steady ‘under the radar’pace with a residency in Vegas (which, by the way, she only performs on a Wednesday, Friday and Saturday. Pretty sweet little deal she’s got there) but last week we were alerted, via the beautiful medium that is social media, to her recent relationship status: single. Spears set gossip sites on fire with the cryptic tweet ‘Ahhhh the single life!’More intrigue was added when Spears posted an Instagram video claiming she’d had a ‘shitty day’. Her publicist confirmed that Spears had in fact split with boyfriend of 18 months David Lucado after videos of him allegedly kissing another woman surfaced on the internet.

It’s not in Spears’nature, I suppose, given her extremely public adolescence, break down and subsequent retreat from public life to really keep herself to herself so we shouldn’t be surprised that she made a little Instagram video urging us, if we too were having a ‘shitty day’, to ‘find someone who’s shoes have hearts on them’. She actually looks quite chipper given what she’s dealing with. Maybe she’s right. At least it seems like she’s still got her own hair.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie

 Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie got married last weekend and managed to keep it a secret for four entire days. That is like light years in today’s world so massive congratulations have to be given to them not only for their nuptials but their secret keeping skills. They didn’t invite John Voight, Angelina’s father, who apparently thinks Pitt is a ‘wonderful fellow’. Of course he is. Have you seen Fight Club? Those are the abs of a God, not just a wonderful fellow.

Celebrity reporters have been up in arms that they haven’t seen the dress yet and one hyperbolic website claimed that Brad and Angelina have been ‘showing off’their wedding rings as they go about their daily business. Showing off their wedding rings, as they hold their car keys or one of their children’s hand or hold the door open for an elderly lady. Ridiculous. As of this morning, however, pictures have been published! Jolie wore a custom made Versace gown, the veil and skirt of which was covered in drawings by her own children. It’s also reported that her 10 year old son, Pax, baked their wedding cake. I’d have been wary of that. Kids can be quite violent with eggs. The images which will no doubt be fawned over and scrutinized over the next week are available in Hello! and People magazines, for you to make up your own mind on.

Aaron and Sam Taylor-Johnson have an M16 rifle

 Sam Taylor-Johnson (nee Sam Taylor-Wood) and her infant husband Aaron Taylor-Johnson had their house raided by armed police last week after a passer by peered through their window and saw a M16 rifle on a table. Why was he looking so closely? Creep. Luckily, he also took pictures of the rifle through the window and (possibly) sold them to news sites so we, too, could see that he was potentially just doing a decent neighbourhood watch round. Helpfully, the man who spied the rifle was an ex-Iranian soldier and recognised the rifle immediately. He then called the police.

In the end, after being let in by a neighbour with a key, police with guns determined that the rifle was a deactivated M16 machine gun. Once this had been clarified, it emerged that the gun had been gifted to Sam Taylor-Johnson by a charity involved in an art project called Peace One Day M16. Was this all an elaborate publicity stunt to get more hits on said charity’s website? Did it work on me if it was? It’s hard to say. (yes). My main questions centre around why it was just sitting on the table in their home for all eagle eyed ex-soldier passers-by to see. How long have they had it? Were they playing with it? We may never know the answers to these questions and that’s something I’m still coming to terms with. At least it wasn’t loaded.

Leave a Reply