British workers have revealed the top 50 ways they secretly slack off – including ‘tactical’ toilet breaks, booking meeting rooms for a gossip, and taking compassionate leave for fictional funerals.
As millions reluctantly return to their desks after the festive break, researchers have uncovered the many ways people cheat the system and get extra time off.
Booking out the boardroom for a power nap, doodling under the pretence of serious note-taking and creating fictional meetings off-site are other ways Brits will avoid their hefty workloads.
The study of 2,000 people also showed the average worker slacks off for up to 50 minutes a day – or more than four hours a week – usually to carry out personal tasks.
Geoffrey Dennis, Chief Executive of international animal charity SPANA, which provides free veterinary treatment to working animals in developing countries, said: “Returning to work after the holiday season can come as a shock to the system – and no doubt some workers will be easing themselves back in slowly this week.
“Many people in this country undoubtedly work very hard, but it’s clear from these findings that office workers are finding creative ways of putting their feet up for a break.”
Other bizarre ways workers avoid knuckling down include disappearing for little walks, disabling sleep-mode on the PC and writing personal emails in Microsoft Word.
Constantly writing things on Post-It notes to give the illusion of a ‘busy desk’, inventing emergencies to attend to and walking around the office with a sense of urgency also feature in the list.
It also emerged the workforce will make fake phones calls, browse social media and staring at the computer screen with a look of concentration, while daydreaming in a bid to look busy.
The study also found four in 10 workers slack off to get personal tasks completed without anyone knowing, while 34 per cent claimed to be bored by their current role.
One fifth of those polled admitted they lack energy after a busy morning and so are most likely to slack off in the afternoon.
Around 42 per cent often duck responsibilities because their job is ‘easy’.
Another 41 per cent grumbled they used to be the model employee, but boredom or resentment has turned them into a slacker.
Twenty six per cent admitted their tendency to slack off is holding them back from progressing in their career.
Unfortunately, one in 10 workers haven’t disguised their ‘skiving’ very well, and have been disciplined with either a serious talking to, a written reprimand, a performance improvement plan or by being shouted at in front of colleagues.
Geoffrey Dennis added: “Although the back-to-work transition may feel hard, we should remember that this is a very minor issue compared to the tough working lives endured by working animals overseas.
”These animals often lead short, painful lives, working in dangerous environments, without access to veterinary care when they are sick or injured. They desperately need our help.
”They work tirelessly, often carrying back-breaking loads in extreme conditions, to help people in the poorest communities earn a small income.
”And, like their owners, they never get to enjoy rest periods, lazy afternoons or holidays.”
TOP 50 WAYS OF SLACKING OFF AT WORK
1. Browsing the internet
2. Surfing the internet the screen turned away from colleagues
3. Checking personal emails
4. Sending messages via Messenger, WhatsApp etc
5. Browsing social media
6. Disappearing for a little walk
7. Online shopping
8. Completing life admin at desk (banking, booking tickets, online food shops etc.)
9. Eating lunch at your desk
10. Staring at the screen looking concentrated – while daydreaming
11. Tactical toilet breaks
12. Reading the same document over and over
13. Doodling, appearing to take serious notes
14. A drink ready to tactically refill when a break is needed
15. Starting kitchen conversations
16. Writing personal emails in Microsoft Word
17. Quickly switching between tabs and windows
18. Taking as much time off at lunch as possible
19. Wearing headphones
20. Creating fictional meetings off-site
21. Go for ‘a number two’
22. Arranging to ‘work from home’
23. Reading a newspaper
24. Playing online games – disguised as work
25. Starting water cooler conversations
26. Making fake phone calls
27. Booking the meeting room for a gossip
28. Regular fag breaks
29. Arranging your desk so no one can see your screen
30. Offering to make numerous tea rounds
31. Adjusting the brightness of the screen so no-one can what’s on there
32. Constantly writing things on Post-it notes
33. Taking compassionate leave for the death of a non-existent granny / granddad
34. Walking around the office with a sense of urgency
35. Keep checking, and staring, at your watch
36. Watching TV on your PC/phone/laptop
37. Cluttering your desk to look ‘snowed under’
38. Sending late night emails
39. Attending fake medical appointments
40. Printing out copious amounts of “documents”
41. Booking out the boardroom for a power nap
42. Inventing medical issues – stomach cramps, migraines, headaches
43. Inventing emergencies to attend to
44. Having a mirror on the PC to check when the boss is coming
45. Pretending there is a fault with your PC/laptop/phone
46. Organising ‘urgent’ mobile phone calls with friends
47. Having sex in the office (i.e. toilet, stationery cupboard)
48. Running a separate business, side-line or other non-work project
49. Pretending to photocopy
50. Disabling sleep mode on your computer screen