Parliamentary sketch 28th Jan – Weaponising the NHS and a major incident

By Joe Mellor, Deputy Editor

I remember being at school and being caught throwing some chalk at a fellow pupil (that shows my age and level of rebelliousness). I denied it even though I had done it and everyone knew I’d done it. The more they asked the more I refused to take the blame and the worse it got.

Well that is what happened to Ed today. It isn’t the initial problem, it’s the lying that makes it worse. And the problem? Did Miliband say he would weaponsie the NHS?

The PM asked over and over again. At least I had bothered to lie, Miliband simply ignored him, but then again my form teacher was a much more formidable opponent than the PM.

Today Nick Robinson was ill and tweeted he needed an aspirin after listening to today’s PMQs. The PM also had a noticeable sore throat today, maybe he caught of it the BBC political correspondent, they have been nattering to each other a lot lately.

Miliband said the PM’s attack was all smokescreen and Cameron was running away from the closure of A and E units, why wouldn’t he give an explanation for that?

The whole nations asks, why can’t you both answer each other’s questions?

Later in the session Cameron accused Labour of privatising the Hinchingbrooke Hospital. The Shadow Chancellor, Leader and Health Sec all sat there with their mouths wide open, shaking their heads and sneering back at the Tories. The three amigos could well be right, but they gave exactly the look my friends and I gave at school, when caught red-handed, i.e a guilty one.

It is a shame for the Labour party because without Ed’s alleged comment they could attack the PM on the NHS failings in England (side stepping the Welsh issue obviously) . There was also an issue about whether central government is interfering to stop hospitals declaring a major incident. Again the water is muddy, but today only Miliband’s face was pushed into the puddle.

Every time Ed doesn’t answer the question the lie grows bigger. It is currently a hideous boil but it could morph into elephantiasis soon.

As nobody bothered to answer a question at question time, Steve Gilbert, Lab, said there were “clowns to the left of me and jokers to the right, they need to sort out this pickle.”

The PM said he “occasionally feels stuck in the middle with the Lib Dems.” It got me thinking if I got my ear cut off, would I prefer to wait over eight minutes for an ambulance in Wales or wait in the A and E of a hospital in England, which has just declared (or perhaps not) a major incident…Van Gogh’s choice.

Hopefully, in either case I would be seen before the election, which is perilously close. The PM said “there is 99 days until the election and Ed doesn’t have a sensible policy on the NHS…he was useless. What a useless shower”.

Ed, said there is 99 days to go and it’s a crisis on his watch. I got 99 problems but a switch to UKIP ain’t one.

Clive Efford, Lab, said that some academics (to the laughter of Tories; academics equals commies) said the Tories economic plan shows that the cuts have “stolen from the rich to give to the poor”.

Cameron said “by the way it’s the long term economic plan! Never mind academics, it is going well for his constituents”, before rolling off a list of employment stats in Efford’s constituency.

Dennis Skinner, Lab, bellowed a question and that normally gets the Labour MPs going, but not today. Even his words seemed hollow, he said the PM should apologise for record numbers at lining up at food banks food banks, people stuck on pay day loans and zero hour contracts and he has a worse record than his mate Andy Coulson.

The PM said his party had banned zero hours contracts, curtailed pay day loans and there are now queues at job centres. He said “there are Blairites fighting with Brownites, it was like the old days.”

When is it not?

Sycophantic question of the day

Inadvertently, Jeremy Corbyn, Lab, who asked if the PM has called to congratulate the new Greek PM who was right to fight austerity. The PM, replied “I have spoken to him, and asked him what his long term economic plan was?” To much joy on the Conservative benches.


The Tories, but especially Gideon, who was excitable sitting forward, almost levitating above the front bench. I’ll have some of what he’s having.

Leave a Reply