Parliamentary Sketch 22nd October – Wales tales never fails

By Joe Mellor, Deputy Editor

This really wasn’t a great advertisement for democracy; it was a dog fight out there today, but when it came to answering questions they had nothing to sink their teeth into. The vicious pit bulls suddenly morphed into the Andrex puppy.

During the opening exchanges the PM and Ed angrily went toe-to-toe on the health service, both steadfastly refusing to answer any questions on the NHS. Would Ed back a comparison between English and Welsh health service. His answer “The English health service is at breaking point.” In Miliband’s defence it wasn’t his question time, but you get the point.

Neither wants to admit that both countries have severely stretched health services, in England some things are better but more are worse, while over in Wales shamans are used to carry out colonoscopies.

On that note, I am never going to Wales again, what if I broke my leg when I was there? Ok if I was in Wrexham, I could crawl over the border and access the relatively poor health service England offers, rather than the non-existent Welsh brand.

But what if I was glamping near Aberystwyth when the accident happened, do I wait for the vultures to circle? Upload pics of my gangrenous leg to Instagram? Float to the Isle of Man? Maybe all of the above, and for that reason Wales…I’m out. The scare tactics have worked, just like they did with the Scottish referendum.

Don’t worry it isn’t just each other’s questions they ignore, Jamie Reed, Lab, said his 10-year-old constituent Maddie Snell “was disappointed with the response she recently received from the Prime Minister regarding West Cumberland hospital, telling the BBC that he didn’t answer her question. I’m sure Members of all parties can relate to Maddie’s frustration.” We ALL do Maddie. Now go to bed with no supper; no both of you. Maddie wants some peace and quiet.

Our crumbling health service aside, the shadow PM managed to land some blows when he mentioned that the Tories had lost two MPs, nine are due to stand down and they have failed to increase the tobacco levy due to pressure from Lynton Crosby.

Strangely Cameron decided to respond by saying that Ed’s, “promise is unravelling, you had one decision this week and that was to sack the Shadow Chancellor and you didn’t.” How the two are linked I’m not sure. It made as much sense as one person saying “I want to get the 7.15pm train to Wolverhampton and the other person saying “I like figs”.

Robin Walker, Con, hailed the number of new apprenticeships in his constituency of Worcester. Cameron, never one to miss regurgitating a joke from months ago said that Labour didn’t know where Worcester is (referring to Chucka Umunna, Lab, who mistakenly pronounced the town Wichita) and said Ed should get in touch with his inner Worcester woman. I’m not sure Ed has an inner anything, but one thing I am sure of; we were a long way from Kansas today.

Sycophantic question of the day

Laura Sandys, Con, who said she had managed to set up two small businesses and be an MP. So why the hell haven’t the rest of us?


Isle of Man tourist board


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