Parliamentary Sketch

Parliamentary Sketch 20th April – The Burger King and Queen

By Joe Mellor, Deputy Editor

Today’s first question gave Nigel Adams, Con, a chance to fawn over the Queen on her 90th birthday and the PM was more than happy to indulge in a royal love in. It was a bit saccharine, but she is our monarch whether you like it or not. Republican Corbyn clearly doesn’t and made a half-hearted attempt at a happy bday. The same greeting you would share with an unhelpful secretary, with a 43-years-young balloon on their desk, on your way into the office.

To be fair, Corbyn made a half decent speech in praise of her highness later in the day, and even hinted she might be an Arsenal fan. This revelation must be a tad annoying for Queen’s Park Rangers fans.

Royalty aside Jezza said he spent an interesting day at a local primary school, and the year 6 children (ten-years-old at my best guess) asked the PM “why are you doing this?” in regards to the forcing of schools to become academies.

Obviously very astute children, if they understand the nuances of this Government policy, when I was that age I was still eating paper. If they keep their mouths shut they might be able to run their own academy by the time they are twelve, as Cameron seems to think anyone can run academies.

The PM said that these, new forward looking academies, can even group together and form their own alliances. You have to wonder if schools in affluent catchments areas will club together to drag in as much private sector sponsorship as possible, and cut out the poorer kids. I don’t want to be cynical, I was born this way, but it feels like the privitisation of our entire education system.

But it wasn’t just our children’s’ future that was being shoved into the private sector, PMQs itself became a victim of product placement.

Cameron, an ex-PR man lest we forget, said Labour was living in fantasyland. Supporting Kahn and his extremist friends (Goldsmith has met the same guy. Is this person more a lobbyist for jihad?), fighting against Trident and banning McDonalds from an event. Labour are in such disarray that “I’m lovin it.” Somehow he had managed to slip in the slogan for the heart attack inducing fast food giant.

He wasn’t finished yet, later in the session he mentioned Labour’s ban on McDonalds again. I was waiting for him to take a bite of a Big Mac, using a knife and fork of course, before Nigel Dodds, DUP, asked his inevitable question about Republican terrorism.

It seems that one of the only institution that is still in state hands is the monarchy, but how long before they are sold off to a far-east consortium? You never know maybe Corbyn will be on the picket line supporting the royal family one-day.

Sycophantic question of the day

Matt Warman, Con, who had the audacity to say “it is universally acknowledged that Fish and Chips taste best on the beaches of Skegness”. Everyone knows it is Tynemouth.


Eurovision Song Contest – No matter what the referendum result Cameron said we will be in it. To be fair bitter Europeans can’t give us any less than our usual “Nul points.”

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