Parliamentary Sketch 19th November – Cameron’s Klass leaves Miliband Hungary for a win

By Joe Mellor, Deputy Editor

The PM didn’t seem to need to directly attack Ed today, he let Miliband’s own team do it for him. He alleged Labour figures had said of Ed, “concern if he can lead the country”, “Useless”, “hopeless, “doesn’t cut it” and that was just his front bench.

Cameron said,“he really wasn’t a Klass act.” In reference to Miliband’s dressing down by “pop queen,” Myleene Klass. The PM said he “knew there were moles in the Labour movement, but he didn’t know they were that high up and now he had a pasting from a pop star”.

It really touched a nerve, for a moment Ed looked human. He was angry, he was hurt. He angrily pointed at his detractors on the Tory bench, the hair on the back of my neck stood up, was this the moment he proved he was leadership material? No, his voice appeared to break and he got drowned out by the braying Tory mob.

He reminded me a bit of Kevin Keegan’s famous interview during the title race against Manchester United when he side- swiped into politics (if you don’t know about football, please ignore this sentence, in fact the whole thing; I feel a bout of football puns coming on) “I would love it, LOVE it, if the Welsh NHS beat England’s.” But just like Keegan, what we were watching was not a gallant fight back, but a public breakdown.

The PM could tell he was winning the title race, even though he is a few points behind Ed, so he continued to attack, “his week hasn’t got any better, first Klass, then an opinion poll, which said more people in Scotland believe in Loch Ness monster than his leadership. The only problem for Labour is that he does exist.”

It wasn’t nessysarry (like this “joke”) but that’s the thing with the upper classes, they never know when they have had too much, it’s an alien concept for them. It reminded me of Germany Vs Brazil in the World Cup, it was relentless, Miliband was getting a drubbing.

However, the team rallied around the manager; David Winnick, Lab, said the Bedroom Tax will be remembered like the Poll tax and the PM should be ashamed.

But the PM volleyed it right back, “why should public sector renters get it when private sector renters don’t”? It’s the equivalent as taking an apple off one child because the other one hasn’t got one, but Ed didn’t say anything, he was just praying for full-time.

Then Clive Efford, Lab, picked up the loose ball and charged at the PM’s (despatch) box. Would Cameron back his bill (supported by the unions) to repeal part privatisation of the NHS? “the NHS is not for sale NOT NOW NOT EVER!”

The PM replied, “well we know who is funding his bill?” Offside surely? Bloody union oligarchs ruining the game as usual.

Surprisingly, even the loan player from the unfancied non-league outfit tried to turn the game for Miliband. Caroline Lucas, Green, didn’t even mention the environment, instead complaining rents are too high for nurses, “how does PM expect nurses can afford to live in her constituency?” (easy; foreigners six to a room)

The PMs defence stayed solid, he had “never seen any Green party member agree to build houses anywhere for anyone”. I did wonder if he had ever met a Green party person anywhere with anyone.

As the game moved into injury time, Anas Sarwar, Lab, tried to claim foul play, he said “In Scotland if you go to bed with the SNP, you wake up with Cameron as PM.”

It was no use and as the final whistle blew, Michael Ellis, Con, said the Greencore sandwich business in his Northampton constituency had to hire staff from Hungary, due to lack of workers from the local area. The PM said that he needed to ensure children were leaving school with the right skills (to pack sarnies?).

Well after the manager’s performance today, there might be an application from a “Mr E Miliband from the North London set”, coming to a factory in Northampton any day now.

Sycophantic question of the day

Stephen Mosley, Con, showed off about his latest small business awards event, even his own side appeared to mock him.



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