Parliamentary Sketch

PMQS 7th September – First day getting on my nerves

It was the first day back at school and so much had gone on since last term. I was half expecting the leaders to share their summer break stories through the medium of song. Perhaps a version of Summer Nights from Grease? *Gove saved her life she nearly drowned. Boris showed off splashing around.* Sadly not though, Corbyn asked six questions on housing instead.

Today PM May was sporting a chunky silver chain, which was more DMX than ex-Home Sec. It would be easier for Corbyn to break the chains of capitalism than to snap May’s bling. She definitely wouldn’t have survived the “Gestapo” school’s student uniform cull with that draped around her neck.

The session didn’t shine like her jewellery though, but May did have a go at a joke. However, it was like trying to teach a leopard the difference between each Kardashian, and she stumbled over these nuggets of comedy gold…”The train’s left the station, the seats are all empty, the leader’s on the floor, even on rolling stock, they’re a laughing stock.”

Now, a lot of people aren’t going to like this, but with Cameron you had a master class in slick PR during PMQs. He didn’t answer any questions, but Miliband or Corbyn rarely landed a blow on him. Ok he divided the country and lost his job in the process, but Cameron could deliver those terrible jokes written by one of his 50-odd Spads; £110k a year for those zingers, was money well spent I say.

To be fair to Theresa she did tell Corbyn that according to one poll ‘Don’t Know” got more responses than him over who would make the best Prime Minister. Funny in a tragic kind of way.

As I’ve already mentioned Corbyn used all his questions on housing, very important of course, but we have been here before. Jezza didn’t mention Brexit, Saudi arms sales or even the reintroduction of Grammar schools.

Surely this education system is an elitist concept, increasing the class divide. However, Corbyn went to grammar school, his son did and his strategy chief did the same. It might create an unfair social class but it doesn’t half help you become a senior Labour politician.

Corbyn’s fixation with housing left solemn Angus Roberston, SNP, to step up to ask May the difficult Brexit questions. However, after yesterday’s statement from David Davis, where he came out with the classic, “people will want to know what Brexit will mean, simply, it means leaving the EU,” May wasn’t going to answer specific Brexit questions. The reason is, she doesn’t know the answer to any of them, like a pupil on their first day of school being asked to work out a quadratic equation when they haven’t mastered subtraction yet.

Sycophantic question of the day

Bernard Jenkin, who said since the EU vote, he was the most confident he has ever been about the country in his lifetime. Jenkin was once so confident about his parliamentary expenses he reportedly used £50k of them to pay his sister-in-law rent on the property he used as a second home.


Selective education.

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