Parliamentary Sketch

Parliamentary Sketch 9th December – He got muddy water, she one mojo filter

By Joe Mellor, Deputy Editor

Osborne was expecting an easy ride today; he leaned across the dispatch box like a philanderer in a 1950s diner looking for, well, an easy ride.

And why shouldn’t he? His “mojo” is back. Declaring war on a country always gives you better erections. Pele told me all about it.

However, it turns out the RAF have flown eleven missions and carried out four strikes on oil wells in Syria, which seems fairly impotent even for the Tory (and Lab) hawks. Eagle didn’t really have much to say on this matter, as she voted for military intervention in Syria too. I always preferred the other sister anyway, oh, wait, she did as well. The Fury siblings of politics?

Warmongering aside, from the frontbench, the Eagle clan gave Osborne a roasting today (that really wasn’t a pun, I passed the explicit sexual imagery quota a paragraph ago). The main thing I noticed today was Angela kept rubbing her nose, I know it was unintentional, but it conjured up (alleged) indiscretions from Gideon’s past. Subliminal put downs in PMQs is a new one on me.

Eagle questioned how Cameron’s “European re-negotiation tour” to Romania and Poland was going. Remember when the boyband A1 tried to salvage their career with a series of concerts? Exactly.

The Labour benches laughed; they needed some light relief. Their stern Head master was off and the chatty Art teacher was standing in.

Osborne also managed to crack a few jokes. He talked about Labour being the only party trying to get rid of momentum, which was always going to be a pre-written line at some point.

But that quip was quashed when Eagle questioned the Tattler Tory bullying scandal. Then Angus Roberston, SNP, asked about the, “highly toxic and dangerous materials transported around the country”. I thought he was talking about the Conservative Future battle bus, turns out it was nuclear waste deliveries in Scotland.

Eagle also managed to have a little pop of Corbyn when she read out some correspondence from “Donald from Brussels,” who was actually Donald Tusk, president of European Council, warning the PM there is no consensus for welfare reforms.

On the other side of the pond Osborne was very robust on the matter of Trump’s most recent fascist quotes. I would quite like to watch Gideon squirm if Donald became president of the USA. But I’m not sure even that would offset the ensuing apocalypse.

Speaking of megalomaniacs there was a Tony Blair quote off between Osborne and Eagle. They should both know he is more noxious than one of Robertson’s trucks…or the Tory youth wing.

Sycophantic question of the day

Joint winners Wendy Morton, Con and Karl McCartney, Con who both used the phrase “Midlands engine,” and another little piston in me died.


 The bold Eagle.

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