Parliamentary Sketch

Parliamentary Sketch 4th May – We aren’t your friends and you’ll never walk alone again

By Joe Mellor, Deputy Editor

I didn’t write PMQs last week I was on my own stag do in Barcelona, with 30 odd (show off) of my friends. One hospital trip, two lost souls (they were found the next day) and an eight-hour delayed Ryanair flight home later and we were all still friends. Saying that I haven’t seen any of them since.

So I’d like to think I know who my friends are, but does Jeremy Corbyn? This question (during PRIME MINISTERS questions) dominated the entire debate.

The PM demanded to know if Hamas and Hezbollah are Corbyn’s mates, would one of their members put a traffic cone on their heads, for “bants” for the boys for example?

Cameron seems to think they would be invited on Corbyn’s stag do. I’m pretty sure Corbyn’s stag would probably consist of watching old CND marches on VHS, they probably wouldn’t come even if they were asked.

I’m not so sure Corbyn really is buddies with Hamas or Hezbollah perhaps the Labour leader shouldn’t have used the term “friends,” but it is quite clear it was an attempt to smooth relations with the two groups.

The PM then decided to question Sadiq Khan’s friendship with Suliman Gani, a man Khan has shared a platform with many times and who allegedly supports IS, according to the PM.

Gani totally refutes these claims and has previously accused Cameron of “defamation at its highest level.” Luckily for the PM he is protected from legal action due to parliamentary privilege.

Cobyn said that Khan was definitely his friend and pointed out that Gani is actually a Tory voter, so he must be a friend of the PM then. Gani even revealed he had attended Conservative Party events, while photos showed him posing with Zac Goldsmith, and also on the steps of 10 Downing Street, the prime minister’s residence. Awkward.

Cameron claimed the Hillsborough victims were his friends. However, it was reported he once compared the families of those who died at Hillsborough, to a blind man in dark room looking for a black cat that isn’t there. Hardly brothers in arms.

My friends made me drink a half pint of tequila, Corbyn’s mates binge watch 80s protest marches, but who really are your friends Mr Cameron?

Sycophantic question of the day

Keith Vaz, Lab, who cheered on Leicester City, wore the club’s scarf, and poked fun at PM and warned him to to be glory supporter, as he would now have three teams to back.


 Hope not hate.

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