Parliamentary Sketch

Parliamentary Sketch 2nd March – EU for effort and achievement

By Joe Mellor, Deputy Editor

The news has been pretty full of the union of 28 states bound by an economic and increasingly (add angry emoji here if applicable) political union.

However, Jeremy Corbyn wanted to chat about the education system during today’s PMQs; another error at the despatch box in my opinion. He did look noticeably smarter though; an upgrade from Matalan to Asda George.

It might be that the leader of the opposition doesn’t want to go too hard on the European question, as he isn’t sure about it himself. Instead of going to a Labour “In” campaign last week he sloped off to the CND bash in Trafalgar square, which was either packed or empty depending if you watched the BBC or not.

The failing education system is of course an important topic. I don’t have children, but I understand it must be frustrating when your bundle of joy doesn’t get into the nice “it’s almost like a fee paying” school in your catchment area, but the one that takes in the bleak housing estate, the crazy man who shouts at traffic and an industrial sized Farm Foods.

But let’s be honest unless your kid goes to public school they are unlikely to ever get a top job, I mean a real top job; Marketing manager for a chain of tile outlets doesn’t count.

Leaving school without an underage pregnancy, addiction to legal highs or having a favourite Kardashian, is the best you can expect from a state education these days.

Don’t get me wrong Corbyn’s points were valid: teaching recruitment crisis, 30 hours free childcare delay and over use of agency staff are all pressing issues.

However, Cameron batted all of Corbyn’s questions away with: “without a strong growing economy we would quickly become North Korea,” I’m paraphrasing slightly.

Jezza used one of his famous questions, from a “real person,” and it was from “Tom a 1st year Head of Design and Tech at a successful secondary school.” Really? He may as well have given his home address and registration plate as well. Talk about looking for a haystack on a needle. It reminded me of the Alan Partridge quote: “We have a caller on the line who fears he may be a gay, he’s married so we’ll only refer to him by his christian name. This is Domingo from little Oakley.”

Corbyn said that the education sector and the NHS extreme use of agency staff makes us “Agency Britain.” The PM shot back that 96.6% of teachers now have degrees, the highest ever; to be fair I had heard schools had let a lot P.E. staff go.

Sycophantic question of the day

Richard Benyon, Con, member for Newbury (the famous land-locked port) who backed the PM and said the fishing industry should praise the EU for letting UK boats in their waters. However, this made me want to leave the Union; Only so we could say: “so long and thanks for all the fish.”


Gisela Stuart, Lab, who told the house A-list Actor Richard Gere had been in parliament and the PM said he didn’t know anything about it. Poor form from the ex-PR man.

Leave a Reply